Oy!

Well, i've had a most interesting day with Alan.i was having some questions about his interest in BDSM and Dominating me in particular.i needed to know if he was serious or if it was just kinky sex for him. He says he's pretty serious. We tried something new tonight, he pissed on me, even on my face. It was powerfully erotic and humiliating at the same time. Of course i showered right afterwards and brushed my teeth. {g}
i feel like i failed Mark somehow this week. He asked me to take care of the cat while they were gone. All was fine until Friday, i showed up and Kelly's truck was gone. i didn't know what to do. i did notice that it looked like someone else had been in their house and that there was a green car parked in front of their house so i was hoping that it was planned. i left them a note about it because i didn't know what else to do. i couldn't call the police to report it stolen, i had absolutely no information to give them other than, "It's a blue Ford Ranger extended cab." That wouldn't be much help. i hope it was a planned thing that He just forgot to tell me about. i really hope that with all my heart.
It's going to take me a little while to adjust to this new dynamic with Alan. Part of me is a little worried that he might decide that he should be my one and only Master. But, i think i know him well enough to know he won't do that. He considers Mark a part of our relationship. We were talking about me needing to ask permission before i have sex with someone else and i asked if i needed to have permission with Mark too and Alan just shook his head and told me no. He said it felt normal for Mark and i to be together. He is even okay with Mark having a key to our apartment.
Alan still wants to bring Jaedyn into our play. i'm a little nervous about it but not nearly so much as before. i'm still very skittish about bringing her in with Mark but i know i'll have to let go and trust sooner or later.
i'm hoping that tomorrow Alan will wax me, i'd like it to be smooth again and i know he and Mark would both enjoy it that way. Well, i think i'm finally tired enough to go to sleep, yay!

Lonely subbie

i miss my Sir. i miss the feel of His lips on mine.
i miss His style of play. He's a little more sensual and gentle than Alan and is full of praise when i've done well. i need that. i need brutality to be tempered with gentleness.Alan can be savage and i love it... but there are times when i need tenderness and it's difficult for him to overcome his own need to be savage at times.
It's been very interesting watching Alan grow and enjoy experimenting with his own dominance. Sometimes i fight it a little... fight against the dominance he wants to assert over me. But i know i'd be jealous if he wanted to dominate someone else. i'm such a dork sometimes.
i'm still trying to overcome my jealousy issues. It's difficult but not impossible.
i was surprised by my physical response to Mistress J on Saturday. We hugged and i kissed her cheek a few times, wanting to kiss her lips. i don't have that sort of a response to too many women. Something new to think about.
i wish Sir was home now. i hope He and i will be able to play soon after He gets back because i think this coming weekend, Alan will be waxing my cunt. i think Master would enjoy the surprise. i'd also like to show Him the new toy Alan made for us. :-)