Sharp, cold, gleaming, full of promise.. It seduces me. It whispers to me cut him, just a little he won't notice. Watch the blood well up to the surface... ruby jewels begging to be licked clean.

The blade whispers again as it stokes my arousal... "poke him, just a little, he won't feel it much..the rewards will be oh so wondrous" penetrate him!.

I resist the whisper of the blade and dance with it instead. Treading that fine line between what I and the blade want and what is proper. Tracing red lines over his body, little droplets of red rubies teasing me, promising more. His writhing, body begging for more as he arches up toward me, toward the blade.

My inner thighs become soaked, my juices flowing down them as I strive to control my reactions and ignore the whisper of the blade.

The more aroused I get the louder the blade's whisper gets... my eyes change colors, it's getting dangerous now. We're at the very edge of the edge...I'm still dancing with the blade... my subject enjoying the safer pain and pleasure I've allowed myself to give him.

The blade has to be put away before I can give in to my carnal desires.. but it's whispers remain in my head.

Bone Weary

I sit here bone weary, barely able to keep my eyes open, I've had a busier day today than any other day in the last month. I saw Sir and we spent much good time together, he used me well and has left me marked and bruised. Lots of happy about that, it's been too long since I've felt an ache from being used so well. Once home I enticed Master into a before work quickie that was delicious. I don't know how the man does it but he hits the right spot with every thrust threatening to rip screams and growls from my throat when I must be quiet.

Oh but that wasn't enough for me, oh no. I decided I needed to work out. Really that's not up for debate I have to work out and strengthen my body and build muscle. So 20 minutes of upper body and core work on the balance ball followed by about 20 minutes of instructional Tae Bo. Holy COW am I exhausted and I just know I'm going to wake up aching tomorrow.

All of this is quick on the heels of sheer idiocy on my part. I got selfish and focused on my needs and how they're going unmet because Master is working 7 days a week and Sir's schedule is something else. Boo-hoo, poor me. I went mental and returned Sir's collar to him. I don't know what I'd hoped to accomplish but what I did do was hurt him deeply, show him the worst disrespect, and put our relationship on very shaky ground. I'm a moron sometimes. I wish I had some sort of alarm that would go off when I'm starting a 'bout of "lost my mind" so I can stop before I start.

Today was a blessing, having a few hours with Sir, being his to do with as he wished and attempting to serve with as much grace and humility as I was able. I'll never make up for the hurt I've caused but I hope I can at least soothe it a little and earn back his collar if he deems me worthy.

Okay, up to my room to practice some "slave positions" and then to bed with me and my heating pad.

Blank

I wish I had something good to write about. We don't have hot or sexy SM scenes. The M/s is still there but not in any fun sexy ways. Yesterday I was in the midst of a 48 hour long panic/anxiety attack. He had to be tough with me and made me clean myself up and go to the store with him. Had I been given the choice I'd have stayed home curled up in my nest of pillows and blankets. But no matter how crazy I am, the drive to obey him is always present.

I've fantasized about scenes I'd love...such as him coming home to find his lil girl lying on her tummy on the bed, coloring in her favorite coloring book, her pigtails bouncing in time with the swinging of her legs. She squeals "Daddy!!" when he walks in, stands up on the bed to give him a big sloppy kiss and monster hug. She shows him her picture and tells him about how she's got a funny ache between her legs....He talks to his little girl about the feelings she's having, explaining how special they are and that she can only share them with her Daddy as he explores her body.

Or he orders me upstairs, naked, and kneeling waiting for him. He enters the room, grabs a fistfull of my hair and leads me, crawling, to the bathroom. He stops me next to the commode with the command to kneel up and stay. He pulls his penis out to urinate into the commode. Just as he's finishing he saves a little bit, turns, orders me to open my mouth and finishes urinating in my mouth, expecting me to swallow and clean his cock off. He stands me up then and feels the soaking wetness between my legs from being used that way. He then leads me to the bed, bends me over and gives me a thorough spanking for enjoying it so much, after which he has me kneel and suck his cock until he decides to f*ck me.

*sigh*

A fertile imaginiation and all it does is torture me with things I can't seem to get right now.

Vivid

My head falls back, eyes beginning to roll back as my eyelids flutter closed, my womb clenches, labia swelling and tingling as moisture starts to seep from within. My memory is vivid, remembered pleasure at Master's hands, so vivid that I can almost feel it again and again with each remembering. The memory overtakes me, my body begins to writhe, my fingers and toes clench, even as I drive, I have to fight my body's natural reactions, fight to remain focused on the present..

I thrill with the remembered feeling of his swollen cock thrusting deeply into me, the large head rubbing every sensitive spot inside, filling me with an aching need for a release that may be days away...my breathing quickens as I recall the sight of him kneeling over me, his hands gripping my flesh, pulling me to him even as he thrusts into me, his eyes locked on me as he strives toward his release, revelling in the sensations... his pace quickens, I feel my hips rocking back and forth as if he were inside me at this very moment, his release is close...

Another memory, no less vivid... lying on my back, legs spread, Master sitting between my legs, his hard cock resting against my foot, fingers inside me, exploring, rubbing, pulling, pushing, my muscles clench around his fingers as if to hold him there forever... I feel my nipples harden, remembering the sheer ecstasy of imminent release... a tingling deep inside spreading outward, engulfing my whole body, head rocking back and forth, hips rising up from the bed thrusting against his hand needing more, hand clawing at the air then the bedsheets as the orgasm rolls over me like a tsunami, unstoppable, a force of nature that leaves me drenched and limp after..

I remember so vividly that I feel it again, and again, and again, desire building upon desire.