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I wish I had something good to write about. We don't have hot or sexy SM scenes. The M/s is still there but not in any fun sexy ways. Yesterday I was in the midst of a 48 hour long panic/anxiety attack. He had to be tough with me and made me clean myself up and go to the store with him. Had I been given the choice I'd have stayed home curled up in my nest of pillows and blankets. But no matter how crazy I am, the drive to obey him is always present.

I've fantasized about scenes I'd love...such as him coming home to find his lil girl lying on her tummy on the bed, coloring in her favorite coloring book, her pigtails bouncing in time with the swinging of her legs. She squeals "Daddy!!" when he walks in, stands up on the bed to give him a big sloppy kiss and monster hug. She shows him her picture and tells him about how she's got a funny ache between her legs....He talks to his little girl about the feelings she's having, explaining how special they are and that she can only share them with her Daddy as he explores her body.

Or he orders me upstairs, naked, and kneeling waiting for him. He enters the room, grabs a fistfull of my hair and leads me, crawling, to the bathroom. He stops me next to the commode with the command to kneel up and stay. He pulls his penis out to urinate into the commode. Just as he's finishing he saves a little bit, turns, orders me to open my mouth and finishes urinating in my mouth, expecting me to swallow and clean his cock off. He stands me up then and feels the soaking wetness between my legs from being used that way. He then leads me to the bed, bends me over and gives me a thorough spanking for enjoying it so much, after which he has me kneel and suck his cock until he decides to f*ck me.

*sigh*

A fertile imaginiation and all it does is torture me with things I can't seem to get right now.