I Miss It

It feels like ages since Master and I have played and I really miss it. Sometimes I crave chocolate so badly that I can almost taste it. I'm craving a spanking in the same way. I want to whimper and beg when Master teases me with a light swat on the behind. There have been instances where I have stuck my bottom out, inviting more. It's always a tease, because he hasn't been able to give me a proper spanking. We rarely have time to ourselves and when we do we're both too tired to do a thing about it.

The reality of 24/7 M/s isn't nearly as fun as the fantasy. I'd give quite a bit to be able to live some of the fantasy. Okay, that's not true, I can't back that up. It just seems like we had the ideal life and we've lost it somewhere along the way.

And yet, my feelings are mixed. Once upon a time I served my Master domestically, sexually, and we played fairly regularly. Only, I struggled a lot with obedience and surrender. I've changed in the last few months. For the better I think. I feel surrendered to him, I love serving him as I'm able and I feel sad when there is something I can't do for him. I feel a calmness inside that wasn't there before. I wouldn't want to have the life we did have at the expense of this change, this calmness. I would like to find a way to have both, to keep this calmness and state of surrender while re-incorporating the life we had, thus creating an improved, more complete M/s relationship.

Sometimes the prospect seems improbable, there are so many challenges facing us right now and I wonder if we'll be able to overcome all of them. I wonder too if he misses what we had and if he wants it back. He never says one way or the other so I never know what's going on behind those laughing eyes. Do you miss the SM Master? Do you miss the way things were? Do you long for a return to what we once had or an improvement on it like I do? Do you miss being served to the extent you once were? Do you miss the ritual we did when I got home from work? I do. I miss it all, I want it all back, somehow.