I am, bursting with it, really. What is it? Pride. I'm bursting with pride. Our oldest daughter has officially graduated and earned her high school diploma. She didn't do it the traditional way but still she did it. Last night was her graduation ceremony and I sat there clapping loudly for her as she walked across the stage and accepted her diploma. When they had the graduates stand and face the audience and said "I now present you with the 2007 graduates" the clapping and cheering was deafening. My eyes were filled with tears as she smiled happily up at us.
She did it, we didn't have anything to do with it, this was all her. She's a spectacular girl.
There were a few poignant moments during the ceremony. The most moving was when a student who passed away just a month after earning his diploma was honored. They awarded his diploma, posthumously, to his mother. It was touching and heartwrenching all in one. I thought it was wonderful that they honored him in that way but I was sad for her loss. I'm still a little misty today just thinking about it.
It was funny, the guest speaker used a children's book as the focus of her speech. She used the sequel to The Little Engine That Could, I Knew You Could. The story talks about hills and valleys and how hard things may be but how good they can be too. It was ironic, she said something Master always says, without the bad we wouldn't know what good was. I hope LMR (Little Miss Raincloud, who isn't so rainy anymore) took some of that speech to heart, I know I did.
So here I am this morning, proud mother of a high school graduate. There were times I thought it was never going to happen. There were even times I thought I didn't care anymore because I was so frustrated with her. She's like water our LMR, she carves her own way where it looks like there is none instead of taking the well-travelled path.
Thursday, June 21, 2007
Wednesday, June 20, 2007
Watch Out...
"Gobble, gobble, gobble! It's just words darling!" Have you ever noticed that people use too many words? They take forever to get to the point and say what they mean. It's maddening. Really. I've been grumpy this week and my tolerance for people who are stuck on stupid has plummeted to next to nil.
I'm coming to the realization that I may not have a choice, I may not get to put off surgery until the first of next year. Time will tell but all the early signs are pointing to a developing tolerance to the higher dosage of pain medication. This realization is behind my grumpiness. Okay, that and some serious sex and SM cravings. We've had a bit of a drought due to Master working all month long and my higher pain levels. These things just don't contribute to an amorous environment.
I'm frustrated and stressed. Master says focus on the positive so I try. I try to not let the pain and exhaustion get me down and that isn't always easy. I get so worn down that my emotions get frayed and my control over them is less than optimal. I'd get more rest if I could but if I go to bed any earlier I may as well give up life all together. I barely spend any time with Master and HRS as it is. I'm already going to bed at 9:00, sometimes as early as 8 or 8:30 if I've fallen asleep watching TV. Sometimes I feel like a little kid. I don't want to go to bed early, I want to stay up because I don't want to miss the fun, whatever that might be.
So that's where I am today. I'm still working on getting pictures of Master's collar so I can share here. It's been a blessing. Master has incorporated it into helping me not binge on junk foods. Whenever I have the urge I'm to touch his collar and remember who owns me and who makes the rules. So far so good.
I'm coming to the realization that I may not have a choice, I may not get to put off surgery until the first of next year. Time will tell but all the early signs are pointing to a developing tolerance to the higher dosage of pain medication. This realization is behind my grumpiness. Okay, that and some serious sex and SM cravings. We've had a bit of a drought due to Master working all month long and my higher pain levels. These things just don't contribute to an amorous environment.
I'm frustrated and stressed. Master says focus on the positive so I try. I try to not let the pain and exhaustion get me down and that isn't always easy. I get so worn down that my emotions get frayed and my control over them is less than optimal. I'd get more rest if I could but if I go to bed any earlier I may as well give up life all together. I barely spend any time with Master and HRS as it is. I'm already going to bed at 9:00, sometimes as early as 8 or 8:30 if I've fallen asleep watching TV. Sometimes I feel like a little kid. I don't want to go to bed early, I want to stay up because I don't want to miss the fun, whatever that might be.
So that's where I am today. I'm still working on getting pictures of Master's collar so I can share here. It's been a blessing. Master has incorporated it into helping me not binge on junk foods. Whenever I have the urge I'm to touch his collar and remember who owns me and who makes the rules. So far so good.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Surprise!
He got me good on Wednesday. With a surprise that is. He was out on the patio cooking our dinner and I came out to visit him only to find him sitting at our new 3 piece patio set with a pleased Cheshire Cat smile on his face.
I love when he surprises me like that. It's just so obvious that he genuinely enjoys being able to get gifts for me/us and to surprise me with them. The smile in his eyes is a gift all by itself, it's one I spent many years longing to see. I'm overjoyed to see it now and often. My heart felt bursting with love as I watched him grin and wiggle with delight over the surprise.
We've enjoyed evenings just sitting out there while he grills our dinner after I get home from work. I'm looking forward to my first weekend of being able to enjoy breakfast on the patio in the morning sunshine. I've become a sunshine junkie in some ways. I crave it and I make sure to soak up a little every day if I can. I take pleasure in the feel of it on my skin with a fresh breeze blowing through my hair. If you take the time you can really smell life in the air at this time of year. It smells of fresh earth and green things growing, heaven.
So yeah, I'm looking forward to lots of patio time this summer and fall. Master even got us a bug zapper so our evenings won't be plagued with flying biting things. He calls it cheap entertainment. lol
I love when he surprises me like that. It's just so obvious that he genuinely enjoys being able to get gifts for me/us and to surprise me with them. The smile in his eyes is a gift all by itself, it's one I spent many years longing to see. I'm overjoyed to see it now and often. My heart felt bursting with love as I watched him grin and wiggle with delight over the surprise.
We've enjoyed evenings just sitting out there while he grills our dinner after I get home from work. I'm looking forward to my first weekend of being able to enjoy breakfast on the patio in the morning sunshine. I've become a sunshine junkie in some ways. I crave it and I make sure to soak up a little every day if I can. I take pleasure in the feel of it on my skin with a fresh breeze blowing through my hair. If you take the time you can really smell life in the air at this time of year. It smells of fresh earth and green things growing, heaven.
So yeah, I'm looking forward to lots of patio time this summer and fall. Master even got us a bug zapper so our evenings won't be plagued with flying biting things. He calls it cheap entertainment. lol
Friday, June 08, 2007
Mindful
Today I am ever mindful of my status. As I stepped off the elevator I touched the base of my throat and thought to myself "My Master is with me."
Yesterday Master gifted me with a daily collar that he made for me out of hematite & silver metal beads. It is beautiful, to say the least. The light weight of it is a constant reminder of its presence, and his. I have to agree with Master (even if it is a bit vain of me) it looks lovely around my neck. It feels good there, a solid yet gentle weight, putting me in mind of his hand as he holds onto the back of my neck while sitting together somewhere or even while walking through a store.
Hematite is special to him. He had a necklace, a claw holding a ball of hematite just a bit smaller than a marble. He wore that necklace for many, many years. When he was deep in thought he'd fondle the hematite stone, rolling it between his fingers. He felt naked and panicked if he forgot to put it on, thinking he'd lost it. We're both believers in energy and objects collecting energy. A bit of his energy is stored in that necklace and it now rests with his youngest brother. He placed it with him during the family's private viewing, next to his heart for safekeeping. So, he chose Hematite for his slave's collar making it himself and imbuing it with some of his energy.
He presented it to me yesterday when I got home from work and after he sized it, he finished it and placed it around my neck. It comes off only at bedtime and goes right back on after I've showered for the day.
I feel him with me through the collar and I am comforted by it. I feel very honored that he chose a stone for this collar that is so significant to him. Looking into his eyes yesterday it seemed that the collar is very meaningful to him too. He would look at me while stroking my neck and the collar, his eyes brimming with love and affection, smiling and not saying a word.
Making a daily collar for me had a bonus side effect too, Master has found that he enjoys jewelry making. He's planning a matching bracelet to my collar and will be making a bracelet for HRS, at her request. I'm happy that he's found a creative outlet that he enjoys so much. We now have one more commonality, which can't help but make me happy.
Yesterday Master gifted me with a daily collar that he made for me out of hematite & silver metal beads. It is beautiful, to say the least. The light weight of it is a constant reminder of its presence, and his. I have to agree with Master (even if it is a bit vain of me) it looks lovely around my neck. It feels good there, a solid yet gentle weight, putting me in mind of his hand as he holds onto the back of my neck while sitting together somewhere or even while walking through a store.
Hematite is special to him. He had a necklace, a claw holding a ball of hematite just a bit smaller than a marble. He wore that necklace for many, many years. When he was deep in thought he'd fondle the hematite stone, rolling it between his fingers. He felt naked and panicked if he forgot to put it on, thinking he'd lost it. We're both believers in energy and objects collecting energy. A bit of his energy is stored in that necklace and it now rests with his youngest brother. He placed it with him during the family's private viewing, next to his heart for safekeeping. So, he chose Hematite for his slave's collar making it himself and imbuing it with some of his energy.
He presented it to me yesterday when I got home from work and after he sized it, he finished it and placed it around my neck. It comes off only at bedtime and goes right back on after I've showered for the day.
I feel him with me through the collar and I am comforted by it. I feel very honored that he chose a stone for this collar that is so significant to him. Looking into his eyes yesterday it seemed that the collar is very meaningful to him too. He would look at me while stroking my neck and the collar, his eyes brimming with love and affection, smiling and not saying a word.
Making a daily collar for me had a bonus side effect too, Master has found that he enjoys jewelry making. He's planning a matching bracelet to my collar and will be making a bracelet for HRS, at her request. I'm happy that he's found a creative outlet that he enjoys so much. We now have one more commonality, which can't help but make me happy.
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