Nervous, excited, and scared

Today we travel to see our girlfriend and meet her husband for the weekend. I am so excited and nervous. I'm also feeling insecure and maybe a little jealous.

 It seems like they talk on the phone and text more often than she and I do. sometimes it feels like she's more interested in,attached to, and attracted to him than she is to me.  It's irrational and illogical. Our relationships with each other are going to be different right?

 Then I catch little snippets of their texts or conversations and he's saying silly lovey dovey things to her that I wish he'd say to me. Like ending a conversation with "hugs kisses and bites" I know it's NRE, I'm saying the same things. We're all twitterpated. But I feel a little jealous of her receiving that kind of attention from him and vice versa. I wonder, where's mine?

 I think he fits in with more of her fantasies and fetishes than I do. What role do I play in her life? What needs does she have that I can meet? How do I share my position as his submissive with her? Will she replace me? Will he replace me?

 I am afraid of being left out. I'm afraid of being replaced in both of their lives by each of them. I really care about her and I love him I don't want to lose any of that. I want to be important to both of them. I want to be valued by them. I want to be loved by them.

 I don't know if I could just be friends with her if they decided that they wanted to be a twosome instead of our threesome.

 I know I need to focus on the things I can control (myself), the things I have, and the good stuff I'm feeling.

That's where I'm at today. Nervous, excited, and scared.

Re-Introduction

Hi, I'm Joy and I'm a bi, poly, submissive, dominant, pup handler, slut.  On Fet I identify my role and sexual orientation as "fluctuating/evolving".  That really sums me up.

A lot has changed in the three years I've been absent from here.  I thought for sure my blog had been deleted due to the many year hiatus.

M is my lover, my Sir, and my friend we just cannot stay away from each other.  We share a love that is intense and one that seems to keep us coming back together.  We're a much stronger couple now than we were.  Alan is my dominant, husband, and lover.  He found his dominant muchiness again and can't seem to help himself dominating the heck out of me.  I am his collared submissive, which came as a surprise to me a few days after MIM 2014.  Alan and I have a new partner we just met three months ago.  She's amazing and the NRE is plentiful. I love the smiles she puts on Alan's face.  He's smitten and even feels love for her.  I adore her, I'm a little slower to profess love until I get to know her more. 

She just fell into our laps and on our first meeting we "zinged".  I'm just blown away that Alan now identifies as poly and found another person he can love. He used to identify as strictly monogamous.  It makes me happy to see him happy and exploring something new.  I LOVE that we share a partner, I'm feeling like he and I are closer as a result.  We've found our physical affection and almost constantly touch each other.  If you told me a year ago that not only would Alan and I be a stronger D/s couple but that the third we'd always talked about would just walk into our lives totally out of the blue, I'd have expressed some serious doubts.

SO.  I'm back.  I'm still me but I'm a different me.  I'm a much more whole me.  Mentally healthier and stronger.  Finally, Joy.  Much more muchier.

I'm here to write for myself.  To work out my crap for myself so I can be a stronger partner for my loves.  I can't believe I have three partners!!  Three people who love and/or care about me. Three people I get to love and care for. I can't believe the abundance in my life

You'll be hearing more from me in the days, weeks, and months to come.