Where to begin?i created this journal as a space for my subbie thoughts and issues. i wanted to separate my thoughts for a while, maybe gain some new perspective on them.
Being sub is an integral part of my life, of who i am. Sometimes i think i'm totally mental or wacko about it because it's such an important part of me.
Mark suggested one night that maybe i'm not as sub as i think i am. i think He was kidding for the most part. And yes, it has occurred to me that maybe i'm not. i've given some thought to it. Could i live happily on Top? i don't think so. i get bored after being in control for a short while and i begin to crave being on the bottom and even do things to give control to the other person. i don't think i'd be a very successful Dominant.
i fight against my sub nature a lot, i resist Mark's control even. In the end though, i know beyond knowing that i will end up on my knees at His feet. i don't know why i resist. It seems silly to resist doesn't it? The only time i feel truly peaceful is when i'm on my knees at His feet. Then i know my place, i'm with someone who knows what to do with me and i trust Him to use me well.
