I've realized, over the past few days, just how important having boundaries and consistency in enforcing those boundaries is in a D/s or M/s relationship. The boundaries or rules are an integral part of these types of relationships, without them you've got what? A vanilla romance with some kinky sex? Being inconsistent in enforcing those boundaries or rules brings us right back to the vanilla romance with kinky sex and a confused s-type who doesn't know when or what to obey.
Over the years I've come to understand that I need boundaries and structure to thrive. I need consistency too or else I feel as if I'm just drifting along with no purpose or guidance. These are two of the main ingredients, if you will, of a M/s relationship for me. Sometimes I crave more restrictions than my Master is interested in placing upon me. I have to try to make peace with that and accept his decision or drive myself crazy with craving and being unhappy as a result. I don't feel that leaving him, or seeking another partner, is a viable option. He is my one and only Master and I'm willing to accept his limits as my own in order to be his slave.
But, when he's not on his game and enforcing the rules and boundaries he has laid down I sort of drift away from my game too, then we're both off. I think we both feel the absence of the dynamic but get complacent and we don't talk about it until we've got to do a lot of rowing to get back to shore. That's where we're at right now, rowing back to shore and trying to do it in sync. I'd like to hurry the trip because I'm happy when we're on the same page and both on our games but I need to follow his lead and go at his pace or else I'm just Topping from the bottom, which is just plain old counterproductive.
I'm working on keeping a positive attitude and so far so good. In the past I'd be pessimistic and cynical about the whole thing. We seem to drift off course pretty often but we also get ourselves back on course just as often. I think that's part and parcel of a growing M/s relationship. We have a huge hurdle to jump, that of our history as a married couple. It's so much easier to just be husband and wife, especially when we're tired or in pain, or whatever. During times of stress, illness, or upset we both just slip so easily into husband and wife roles and begin cutting each other slack for the slip.
I wish I could find the one thing that will keep us from making that slip or at least keep us from slipping too far. I asked him yesterday if we could take time together each day to just reconnect. It doesn't have to be fancy, we don't have to engage in SM play, we don't even have to say anything. I'd be happy with him sitting on the bed while I kneel at his feet with my head in his lap for a few moments. We're talking more now and I'm going to do my best to keep talking. I've made some serious effort in this department and have been saying things that in the past I would only write about. Maybe this time we'll stay on course and won't drift as much.
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