Ketchup!

It's been a while, I know.  I've been horrible about journaling.  I haven't been making the time to do it as I should.

 

Life has been extremely busy from Alan's torn quadricep tendon in his knee/thigh to Zboy moving back home for a bit, to me finally getting approval for and doing the week-long trial for the spinal cord stimulator, and everything in between.

 

I don't even know where to start.  I miss the temp stimulator, I felt almost normal, aside from feeling like a human vibrator.  I was able to walk farther, faster, and at a brisk pace without the pain slowing me down.  I'm back to slug pace now until they can make the appointment for me to see the surgeon again.  I have no idea how long that's going to take, it could be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months.  I've waited this long, I suppose I can wait longer.

 

Last night I felt as if I were on top of the World.  Master had had a busy day and I not only cooked dinner but did the dishes as well.  It felt good to do all that and give him a moment to relax.  I did snipe at him when he made some comment about me "complaining" about being busy when it's something he does daily.  If I complained I didn't intend to.  I felt a little harried and a lot tired.  I'm not accustomed to that much activity, especially in light of having just had the trial stimulator removed and having had an active weekend.  Maybe I was a little whiney or crabby.  I don't know.  All I do know is that I do feel good for having done those things for him.  I feel like I accomplished a lot and was finally able to be of real service to him.

 

Speaking of the active weekend.  We went to a play party Friday night and played several times.  It was SO much fun and I'm reveling in all the aches, bruises, and cuts I have to remind me of it.  Okay, so I don't like having my bruises poked and I do get even by rubbing Alan's belly since he's tender there.  Part of our play that night was "boxing", we play fight by punching and slapping each other and we both got in some good shots.  The rest of our play involved sharp and pokey things.  M'Lady even got to "sew" a bell onto my right breast, I loved it, even if we did have to use a 19 g needle to do it.  *ouch!*  I didn't want to remove the bell but Alan reminded me it might hurt a lot trying to take it out later after it'd begun to heal around the fishing line.  So wistfully, I let him remove the tiny bell.

 

Saturday was munch day and I had a good time socializing and making a new acquaintance.  I'm really enjoying my service to the group but I need to pace myself so I don't burn out.  There is just so much I want to accomplish and I'm so eager to do so that it's hard to remember that I've burned out before and lost my desire to serve the group at all.

 

I think I've spent so long just surviving and doing what needs to be done to get by and I'm finally and thoroughly done with it.  I'm sick to death of missing life and living life to its fullest.

 

So that's where I'm at today.