Ho Hum

Lots of changes, lots of life happening, and lots of waiting.  That seems to be the tune my life is played to these days.  Sometimes I think I want to play it to a different tune but I'm not so sure I really do, deep down inside where it counts.

 

Alan is working overnights for now, it's supposed to be temporary and I'm keeping all the crossables crossed in hopes that it's *very* temporary.

 

I've been panic/anxiety free for about a month now.  Not too shabby if I do say so myself.  I keep telling myself "Things will be even better once..."  But will they?  I want to believe it's true.  I want to believe that I'll be happier, healthier, and will have more energy once I can finally get the permanent spinal cord stimulator.  The trial was a huge success and I'm told the permanent implant kicks the crap out of the temp.  How can I not look forward to it as a cure-all even though I know it's just another band-aid?  I'm willing to take anything I can get right now until medical practice catches up and they can actually fix my back.

 

I tell myself I'll be happier, healthier, yadda, yadda, yadda once I get the implant and can start exercising again.  Okay, so that one is probably true.  I want a bicycle this year.  I found the one I want at Wal-Mart, it's a mountain bike, sturdy and hot pink.  I want to get a matching one for HRS and something manly-looking for Alan so we can go on bicycle rides together.

 

Things with the local group really seem to be skyrocketing as far as growth and activity.  It's thrilling to be in the midst of it and to be part of it.

 

FINALLY I get to travel to a BDSM event, granted it's still in Iowa but at least it's not home.  Alan says we get to go and I'm SO excited about it.

 

I feel like I've stagnated, like I'm buried under ice and snow, sleeping and waiting for Spring to come along and wake me up so I can grow again, stretch, and soak up the sun.

 

HRS has made it clear that she wants us to celebrate Ostara this year, last year was a mess and I wasn't feeling very celebratory.  This year I want to make it different, special.  It used to be that I would give the kids baskets of candies and doo-dads on Ostara.  This year I want to give her some things that actually pertain to the holiday and this time of year.  A time of growth and rebirth.  To that end I think I might get her a plant of some sort that she'll be responsible for.  Perhaps we'll even make some candles together.  I've got less than a week to put this together so I'd better get shakin'.

 

Re-reading all of this reminds me of the quote "Life is what happens while you're busy making plans."  I've been living life, sometimes at a breakneck pace, sometimes more sedately but I've been living and living well.

 

Blessed Be!