This isn't sex-based but rather status-based, maybe it is sex-based too I don't know.
It seems okay, accepted, and even (dare I say it?) encouraged for dominants to have multiple submissive partners. This seems to be the "norm" in the BDSM community. It's talked about all over the place and nary a negative word is said about multiple ownership by a single dominant person.
Yet, if you're submissive and identify as a slave, you're either not a "real" slave or not a "good" slave if you admit to serving more than one dominant partner. I don't know anyone in our local community like me, who has more than one committed dominant partner and there are very few online that I know. I seem to be running into a lot of judgement over this and it's driving me bats.
What makes a dominant more capable than a submissive of managing multiple partners? Their dominant nature?? I've seen single dom/multiple submissive relationships fail time after time because the dominant doesn't manage the relationships well-enough or personalities clash. Yet here I am, a submissive, with two romantic/sexual and one non-romantic/sexual committed relationships with dominant partners that have lasted years. Sure we've had our ups and downs and I've made mistakes but I seem to be doing just fine even though I'm a slave.
So why the prejudice? Why the "shoulds"? Why can't a slave serve more than one dominant? I have one owner and two dominant partners, I answer to all three, but ultimately to my Master. This is "normal" for me. I'm wired to have multiple partners, multiple loves. I can't change who I am and I'm sick of feeling like I should apologize for it when it's perfectly acceptable for dominants to be wired this way.
4 comments:
I guess I'd never given it much thought before but I just assumed that the reason it would be much more difficult for a sub to have multiple doms would be the possible conflict in their domming. One dom insists you do x, then the other dom insists you do NOT do x; causing conflict for the sub. Especially new subs, maybe; I think back to how hard I was trying in the beginning and thinking about having TWO sets of demands makes my head asplode.
But if you guys make it work, more power to ya! :) Happiness and fulfillment above all. :)
Hey honey! Long time no talk, eh? I still keep up with you. It's a shame you're not on LiveJournal anymore as I've got some BDSM things going on (again) in my own little world that I would value your thoughts and support on.
You bring up something I hadn't ever thought about. Upon reflection though I realise how right you are about this. I've always admired how well your relationships have gone. I know it wasn't always so, but they worked out. You and the people involved understand what's going on.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know I'm still reading and thinking of you. xoxoxo
L
Hey L! Glad to hear you've got some new things brewing. I'm still on LJ as EvilSpriteJoy now, I'll check in as often as I can.
Thanks to both you and to Amber for your thoughts. To Amber, most of the people I've run into that don't understand single sub/multiple dom relationships think first of the conflict of interest. But the way we make it work is a hierarchy. Master is at the top of the ladder and my other partners respect him and his position in my life. They wouldn't do anything that would countermand his orders.
To L, no relationship can go 100% smoothly and multiples mean more bumps in the road. We all seem to be committed to making it work. :-)
Oh goody! I've added you to my f-list as well as all my filters, so you can see what's been going on. xoxox
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