Renewal

Some people pamper themselves with a bubble bath, a good book, a tasty treat, or a new item they've been wanting to recharge their batteries.  These are good ways to practice self-care, especially when you're stressed beyond your breaking point.

 

However, I've found I feel the most renewed after an intense SM scene with Master.  I didn't realize just how heavy the stress I've been carrying was until this morning.  I've come to hate my job, it's no secret, I just don't like what I do or who I do it for anymore.  I've gotten more and more frustrated about this because, for now, I need to keep this job and be thankful for it.  I've also taken on more than my share of stress over running our local BDSM group.  The mixture has been toxic to say the least.  I've been irritable, short-tempered, physically and mentally exhausted, and unhappy with life.

 

Saturday night Master and I had planned to go to a dinner that a member of our group runs and then on to a hotel room for some much needed play time.  On our way Master changed his mind.  He decided to take me out to dinner and then onto the hotel to get an early start on playing.  He was eager to play and didn't want to wait and hey, I wasn't going to argue!

 

So we enjoyed a nice dinner together and then went to our hotel room.  I got sidetracked by cable TV for a few moments but it didn't take long to get back on track.  We started out slow and moved into owner/property or predator/prey space.  He doesn't give me time to think or to process, all I can do is feel and react.  It didn't take him long to reduce me to tears... repeated face slapping in-between cock sucking... or was that cock sucking in-between face slapping?  The face slapping made me eager to strive harder to please him with my cock sucking, not that he seemed displeased, but that is my reaction to pain when sex is included.  Can't explain it don't want to try.

 

As I drove to work this morning I was almost cheerful!  I'm never cheerful on a Monday morning.  Sarcastic, cynical, even grumpy, but never cheerful.  I almost didn't recognize myself.  I'm sure Master was wondering where the real me was hiding.  I wondered the same thing.  SM play is my self/Master-care.  There's just nothing quite like being reduced to a sobbing, snotty mess to put things into perspective.