You never know how prophetic anything you say might be. In my last post I wished I could disappear from their lives, complaining that I hadn't signed on for what they were offering.
Well, Ex-Sir has released me and wishes to remain friends. It's my fault, I couldn't control my crazy, I couldn't stop complaining, couldn't stop voicing my wishes for more. He took as much as he could and finally had to back off for his own sanity. This loss would be easier if I could hate him or at least be angry with him. But I can't.
Ex-Master is just my friend-husband now. This is also my fault. I ruined what we had, maybe not with my crazy or maybe with it, I don't think I'll ever know. I stopped feeling submissive to him and can't find my way back to it. I stopped feeling like a wife to him and I can't find my way back to that either. I still love him deeply. I love them both deeply and I'd choose them both over and over again.
I'm sitting here full of regrets and wishes now, feeling more alone than I have ever felt. If you take anything away from this post, control the way you express yourself. Remember the person you're talking to is a human being with their own thoughts, feelings and needs. And if you're submissive to them, remember your place along with everything else.
1 comment:
i have read your blog for a very long time. This post is shocking. i know that when things like this happen everything seems (and maybe it is)hopeless, but maybe, just maybe, it's not. i'm hoping for the latter.
You're in my thoughts and i'm hoping for all the best for you.
MD's treasure
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