Growing Pains

You find a partner, develop a relationship, and you get comfortable. Then one day you wake up and your entire world is upended.

You question yourself, your judgement, your worth. "What did I do wrong?" "What is wrong with me?" "I can't live this life." "I don't want a life without him in it."

You go into mourning and fall into self-pity. Drag yourself up out of the pit and carry on. You do what you have to do and you deal with it, life goes on with or without you. Then it becomes okay. Your self-worth may still be damaged along with your self-confidence. It takes more time to rebuild those than to get over him.

It's painful but you get over it and you move on. He isn't worth your suffering, your pining, or your tears. He is a thing of the past. The length of time it takes to get over him depends on you. Why waste your energy on something that is dead and gone?

Then you remember the spot of sunshine that you'd found before he threw your world into a spiraling black hole. That spot of sunshine reminds you that life can be good, it gives you hope, it makes you look toward the future with hope and desire.

Eventually someone will see you, you will be worth something to him. He will inspire your long-dormant submission and you will want to move forward with him and give him all of your submission.

You learn and grow, you begin to understand that you may go into relationships with forever in mind but not everyone does. That knowledge frees you up to better enjoy the experiences you do have.

None of this happens quickly or easily, there are growing pains along the way but it's worth it.

The one thing you forget is that those spots of sunshine are nothing more than a train coming to flatten you.  They're opportunists and you're an easy mark when you're so sad, empty, and aching for dominance.  Take time, at least one month, before you engage in any sort of relationship, sexual, SM, D/s... anything more than friends.  Learn to be you again.  Don't make the mistake I made, letting the wrong person in making the hurt worse than it should have been.

Understand that even if your relationship ends, there may be something good, something better once you've both gotten past the sads.