How do you react?

How do you react when your owner expects something of you that you are not prepared to give? Is that the way you want to respond, and is that the way your owner wants you to respond?

 It depends on what he wants.  Generally I need time to wrap my mind around what he's asked for.  For instance, my Sir expects me to accept that he has a girlfriend whom he is in love with. My reaction has been a half-assed acceptance colored with fear and distrust of her and not a little jealousy.

It isn't how I wanted to respond.  I want to be openly accepting and happy for them both. I want to see her as a good addition to Sir's life.

He expects me to respond with respect. He also expects me to respond gracefully and with open acceptance.

Progress

Sir and I had a very productive conversation tonight.  I'm feeling more positive about our relationship than I have in a long time.  I'm hopeful that we will have resolved our differences by Xmas.

Live in the now, not the way you think it should have gone. I've been acting like Sir's girlfriend instead of like his sub, which is what I am.  I've never been his girlfriend and it's high time I make peace with that.  I've been devaluing myself and my position.  As if being his submissive is less than.  I am the one and only submissive he's had.  That is pretty important.  It's a unique place in his life and it's mine.

I'm not "just" anything.  I'm his submissive.

I need to value myself for that and more. 

Her

He's going to see her, his girlfriend.  Yet he won't see me.  Jealous?  Yes.  Lonely too.  He doesn't understand that I need him too.  It's not fair.  No kidding, I know life isn't fair.  But he's my dominant, my only dominant and he won't see me and I can't ask because that's pushing.

I'm supposed to take care of myself and fulfill myself. Indefinitely I guess. He won't say for how long. He probably doesn't know.

It's a decision he made after having had enough of me, my moods, and my constant arguing.  We have to work on our relationship before we see each other again.  So I'm lonely. I'm jealous of her. Of the time she gets with him as his girlfriend. I'm secondary to her and his wife.  I'm his submissive.  No more no less. I'm supposed to be fun.

I feel like a doll on a shelf when he says certain things. Sometimes I think I should find another dominant who wants all of me, not just the fun bits.  Maybe I'm being unfair. I'm just not sure who I'm being unfair to.

She's Back

I'm trying to make a comeback to the blogging world.  I miss it and it was good for me.

So much has happened since the last time I was here.  We're not going to try to play catch up.  I'll just pick up where I am now.

I miss my girlfriend.  I won't get to see her in December.  Money and distance are constant issues. 

I miss my Sir, I haven't seen him for about three weeks and I don't know when I'll see him again.  It's in his hands not mine.  That drives me mad, I have no control in this. I can only control myself and try to focus on myself instead.  My behavior is all I can really control.

I miss having my husband as my full-time dominant.

Life is good, there are just a few challenges and opportunities for growth.