Saturday night was odd. It was a nice night with just Master and I, the kids were at his sister's house for the night. We were driving around trying to sort out what we might have for dinner and the whole time I just felt very, empty and alone. It was a bit of a familiar feeling, that depression that hits when the weather turns chilly. It's not even quite depression, it's melancholy. That ho-hum, doldrums, there's no color in my life, feeling.
That feeling stuck with me until I woke this morning, from a very odd dream I might add. This morning my old festive self returned, further aided by watching Just Visiting with Master this afternoon. We're such movie nuts; we quote movies at each other all the time. This one actually has lots of quotes that are pertinent to our lifestyle. *grins*
I'm looking forward to the holidays; Samhain is just around the corner. I probably won't do anything special, I rarely do these days. Perhaps I'll just commune with Nature under the stars and sift through my fond memories of my loved ones who've passed on.
In other news, my back seems to be on the mend. Until last night I had been pretty much pain free for a couple of days. Last night's ride in the car sent the right buttock to aching. Tonight Master used our massage balls on my back which turned out to be a boo-boo. It aggravated the muscle that runs through my left buttock. So, I'm a bit achy tonight but I am proud to say that I did my exercises. I firmly believe that the exercises are truly helping my back to heal. Now, if I could just lose some weight, which would really help.
I got on the scale at the doctor's office Friday and was only too happy to get off the blasted thing. I'm surprised it didn't start screaming at me to get off. I'm close to my heaviest weight again. It was the impetus I needed to work on taking control of my eating again. Being home with this back injury has been bad for me. I've just let loose, let everything slide. Granted, I couldn't do a lot of the housework; but my back pain shouldn't have been an excuse to eat as if I had the metabolism of a 14 year old kid. Ahh well, kicking myself isn't going to fix the situation is it?
Life goes on and as long as it does I still have the opportunity to enact changes.
Alright, honesty, I feel a bit blue about the weight and the fact that my clothes are almost too snug for comfort. But I'm trying to see the ill fitting clothes as incentive to eat healthier and get into better shape. Allowing myself to get depressed about it is a self-defeating cycle that will keep me gaining weight. I'm going to see about getting back to work soon, that should stop some of the eating-just-because-I-have-nothing-better-to-do-eating, plus it will reduce the stress eating that both Master and I have been doing due to worrying about money.
You know, bodies should come with owner's manuals. There is a *lot* of upkeep and maintenance involved in keeping one's body running smoothly. I haven't even touched on the landscaping aspect of body maintenance. Why can't we have the things houses have, like lifetime shingles, or lifetime siding. Wouldn't that be great? Shaving, a thing of the past, now we have lifetime hairlessness. Yeah, I'm dreaming. I'm also goofy because it's way late and I should be in bed. Thank goodness the melancholy has passed and made way for goofiness. *grins*
