I should be dead asleep right now but instead I'm wide awake with my mind racing.
I've begun working again, instead of the relief it should be, it is something I dread. My back had begun to improve, then I began sitting for longer periods to do school work and it began to ache a bit but was quickly alleviated by going to lie down or just lounging on the couch for a while. I thought I'd be fine to work... I was wrong. I've only worked two days and I have to force myself to go and to stay there. I'm going back to the doctor, there's no doubt in my mind.
I feel a bit discouraged; I'd be lying if I said otherwise. I thought I was getting better. I thought I'd be able to work pain free or pretty close to it. The way things appear right now, to work is to be miserable and that's going to be my lot in life because I have to work. I already want to avoid doing anything after work. I am exhausted and I hurt. I'd give anything for a comfortable position to rest my body in. Anyone have a gravity free atmosphere handy?
I don't want to whine, I'd love to be able to bear the pain with quiet grace and dignity. I'm just not that kind of person I guess.
I'm frustrated by this turn of events. I'm slightly intimidated by my doctor's attitude of "Physical therapy will cure you; don't come back unless it doesn't get better." I feel like this relapse is somehow my fault, I was getting better and now I'm not.
I'm exhausted, I need rest...it's just out of my reach right now.
