Muchness

I've lost my muchness at work.  (see Alice in Wonderland for that reference)  I'm not as good at my job as I was pre-gastric bypass.  Is it burnout or is it the mental illness?  Is it the medications I'm on, or are my chemicals all screwy?

 

It doesn't matter really what the reason is, my muchness is gone and I can't seem to find it.

 

I've been job hunting and am in the process (jumping through hoops) of getting a new job where, hopefully, I'll find my muchness again.  The job will be in admissions in a hospital setting.  I think it will be interesting.  At the very least I'll finally get to put my medical education to use so I will finally feel like I spent all that money for a good reason.  I should probably know by this time next week if I made it through the hoops.

 

In other news... Master and I just celebrated our two big anniversaries, our 5th collaring anniversary and our 23rd year together anniversary.  I can't believe we've been together as long as we have.  Sometimes it doesn't seem like it's been that long and sometimes it's not nearly long enough.  Sometimes I have to agree with Little Miss Raincloud (haven't heard about her in a while huh?!) that men should visit the pit of death.  All but Johnny Depp, Gerard Butler, The hot new guy playing James bond, Jason Statham, Vin Diesel, and a few other exceptions like Master (on good days). ;-)

 

In other, other news... Master and I will be doing our very first presentation on rough body play for our local group.  I've got the presentation written up, now all we have to do is get up there and show and tell.  Sounds simple doesn't it?  It should be.  But there's something about being in front of a group of people that's scary.  I can talk my head off in a roundtable discussion setting but get me standing in front of a group of people and I stammer and the nerves attack.  Gotta work on it.  This will be good practice.  I'm actually looking forward to it.  I think it's going to be a good discussion and will hopefully help allay some concerns others have had regarding rough body play.  Especially since Master is doing a station in the Speed Kink "gauntlet" that we're having at the next play party.

 

He's got a very standoffish demeanor unless you know him.  Combine that with the way he plays with me and one other and I guess it makes for "big scary dominant".  I wish people could see him the way I do.  He's not scary, he's human.  Yes he has some scary bits inside, we all do, but those only come out for certain people (Yay me!!!!).  There is one special gal that he'd sooner wrap in bubble wrap than hurt.  He has tender feelings and his play style depends on the person and what they bring out or what they negotiate.

 

Sorry Master, didn't mean to soften your "rep". ;-)