Options? What Options?

I go see my pain doc a week from yesterday to go over the results of the lumbar discogram done Tuesday this week.  I am not a candidate for surgery-no fusion no fix because I have a good disc in-between two very naughty discs.  So we will discuss "options".

I'm trying to be open-minded and hope he has something new to offer.  Up til now it's been surgery or drugs.  Now, it seems to me the only option is "or drugs".  I'm already on drugs that aren't working well, I've already got an implant that doesn't touch the pain.  I really would like to avoid adding stronger or more drugs to the cocktail I'm already on.  I'm already focus/concentration challenged and sleepy as it is.  I don't want to be mistaken as a zombie, people will run away thinking I want to eat their brains when all I'm really doing is trying to formulate a sentence.

But S tells me to keep an open mind, don't shoot the doc down until I hear what he has to say.  So I'm trying but it isn't easy.  Right now I have an extremely limited number of spoons to spend on my daily life.  Want to know what I'm talking about?  Google "spoon theory" or "but you don't look sick" for a very well written explanation of what it is like living with chronic pain or illness.

There is a trade off to living for me.  Shower, dress, eat, all cost spoons (energy).  Go to an appointment or a social event, costs more spoons (energy).  The trade off is that with every spoon I use I have less to use and each spoon used requires energy rebuilding (or washing the dishes) aka sleep in my case.  If I've spent all my spoons for the day and borrowed from the next day or two, I've hit the "wall" and my body says "We're done, we're sleeping NOW".  And I will fall asleep as soon as I stop moving or I won't be able to wake up because my body is recouping the energy it needs.  While this is going on, I'm missing out on Life, on my life and those around me.  It really sucks and I was hoping to have it fixed somehow so maybe I would have a few more spoons to add to my supply. 

I don't know what the future holds but I sure hope it includes more spoons so I can live instead of having to live with what I consider to be an expensive trade off.