Bad Boys

Have you ever found yourself cheering for the bad guy in the movies? Wishing he'd win in the end? Has that character ever made his way into your dreams?

I realized the other day, after watching The Phantom of the Opera, I fell a little in love with the Phantom. I could relate to his internal torture, he was gorgeous despite his deformities. His voice, his lips, his eyes, and the intensity of his love for Christine. I wanted her to love him, I willed her to love him, and cried with him when she chose Raoul. I wanted to kiss away his pain.

I'm always like this, I root for the bad guy, I fall for the bad boy. I think that's why I love the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series so much, eventually the girl falls for the bad boys.

But, even though I like the bad boy, I want him to be a good guy too. Yeah, I want to have my cake and eat it too. That's part of what drew me to Master, his bad boy side but there was more to it than that. Underneath he was tender and caring. He wrote endearing love letters to me, catered to my every want and need, and was a shy boy when we had our first kiss together. It's that whole package that draws me in and keeps me but initially, it's the bad boy, the misunderstood rebel, that piques my interest.

I'm in a bit of an introspective mood today. It all started last night at a play party when we were discussing my personality. M'Lady hit the nail on the head, as always, she said I'm not exactly a dominant personality but am very much about controlling my surroundings and my life. This would be what gets in my way when I'm trying to just submit to Master. This is what I get teased about and why people like to watch me during SM scenes. I give up control and just react for that small space of time.