Bits and Pieces

You know, sometimes all it takes is a simple conversation to open one's eyes. I didn't really realize just how completely I've adjusted, made the mental shift, from independent woman to owned slave.

I was talking to m'Lady about a situation and she pointed out that not all dynamics are similar to Master's and mine. I've become so immersed in his ownership of me that it's difficult for me to think outside of our dynamic at times. If he wants me to do something it gets done. In the area of job hunting, there wasn't the option of not finding a job. So, when I see the difficulties other couples have I have a hard time understanding why there's any problem at all. Maybe my thinking has become too simplistic? He wills, I do. It really is that simple for me. Of course there are times I'll drag my heels and he'll give me a gentle, or not so gentle, nudge to get moving.

This got me to thinking about other things that have just sort of come into being that I'm perfectly comfortable with. The checkbook is one of the major things. It was once my responsibility and then he sort of just took it over. I never know how much money we have in the bank (though I could look if I wanted to), I never have the check card unless I need to get fuel for my car or he's placed it into my hand to make payment when we're at the store. I needed fuel today and I asked him if I could have the check card, no qualms about asking, simply I needed fuel and needed access to money to get it. I'm content, and I think he is too, with this arrangement. It's just one more aspect of control he's taken or I've given or has shifted naturally. I'm just bemused by it all, it happened when I wasn't looking.

There are some further education classes I'd like to take to add to my personal resume. Throwing a Victorian Dinner Party, Massage for Stress Reduction, and Exploring the Teas of the World. I think these are excellent skills for Master's slave to have. Each class would enrich me as a person and would give me more skills that he could make use of. Of course only one of these classes works with my current schedule. Isn't that the way of things?

We're discussing options for my misbehaving uterus right now and I have to say, I really wish it wasn't necessary. Beyond a possible fibroid, it could just be screwy hormones. This is all pretty scary because of all the what ifs to consider. Each option has its side effects and possibility of failure. I wish there was one tried and true method that works all the time 100% that didn't involve uterus removal. *sigh*