It's Time

"This is my brother J. He was taken from us.." Those were Master's words in the first TV interview he gave. He had a picture of his brother on the coffee table in front of him that he gestured to as he spoke.

Pictures and memories are all we have left of him now thanks to the selfish actions of one person. This person felt that his need to remove J from this existence was more important than our need to have him in our lives. I realize he wasn't thinking of the bigger picture or of the pain he'd cause, but it doesn't change the reality of what he's done. That's his bad for not thinking beyond himself, not ours.

And that's as far as my anger is able to reach. I don't want vengeance, an eye for an eye just leaves everyone blind. I guess, if I had to point to what I really do want, to what is realistic to request, it would be answers. We want to know why. Why did he do it? It won't bring Jamey back, it won't comfort us, but it will help ease the confusion. We're all so very, very confused about it.

4/26/07

We all seem to be settling into daily life, trying to pick up the pieces and move on with our lives. I think all of us are tired of living in a holding pattern. We all want to get the trial done and over with. His lawyer has had the trial delayed, it sounds as if he's going to try for an insanity plea.

On a side note, J still doesn't have a headstone. It's become a freaking soap opera with temper tantrums being thrown over donations and how they were spent and an outsider trying to create more drama to make it all about her. I'm ready to cut ties with these people, I'm so fed up with their infantile and manipulative behavior. What happened to the caring people they were when our grief was still fresh? What happened to remembering that it's about J, not about any of us? Selfishness reigns supreme.

The Boss's mother is trying to work through her grief but it's slow going. I don't even want to try to imagine how hard that is for her. I don't know how she's maintained her grip on reality, I don't think I would be able to.

We're planning on attending the Pride parade and events this year, if the Boss has to work I'm still going. I'd like to have buttons made up for us with J's picture on them as a way of keeping him with us, and celebrating his life. J loved to party and Pride is one big party that I'm sure he would have loved.

J had an artistic soul with a purely unique outlook. All one has to do is look through the pictures of how he decorated his apartment to know. His living space was as colorful and vibrant as he was. He is deeply missed.