On one of the e-mail lists I'm a member of there was a discussion about what brought one to the leather lifestyle. My first answer was short and to the point "The Boss, Easyrider, and the computer. In that order." That's the short answer. The long answer is a lot more involved and giving the short answer got me to thinking about how I got to where I am today.
Before I met the Boss at the tender age of 15 (going on 30) I believed my mother's line that women ought to be strong and women don't need men for anything but sex once in a while. Her definition of strong translates to domineering and dominant.
I tried very hard for many years to be just that, strong, dominating, and domineering. I kept all males at arm's length, they were only allowed to know just so much of the real me. It didn't help that my early introduction to sex with males left me with a huge distrust of all males. When you're young it's easier to paint everyone with the same brush rather than make exceptions and risk being hurt again and again. At least, that was my reasoning and I thought it served me well for several years. I believed I was protecting myself from hurt but it was a lie I told myself. I still got hurt, I just buried it deeply and refused to acknowledge it.
When I met the Boss I tried keeping him at arm's length, I was mean to him and tried to deliberately hurt him when I realized he cared about me and, that I cared about him. He wouldn't be deterred. He wrote me letters constantly, imploring me to give him a chance, telling me how much he cared for me, and wanted me. He likes to say he wore me down and I let him go with that story. The truth is, I couldn't deny how I felt about him any longer. There's the backstory, now on with how the Boss helped bring me to where I am now...
The Boss, for all his practical inexperience, was extremely well-educated about sex and a woman's body. He was sexually adventurous and open-minded, giving me courage to try new things with him. He introduced me to my body, to the pleasures I could experience with it, and he gave me my first ever orgasm. He introduced me to pornography too, which was an educational experience all on its own. That's when I developed the misconception that men's orgasms were painful. Have you ever seen the O-faces they make in older porn movies? They look as if they're experiencing excruciating pain.
Anyway... The Boss had a large collection of porn magazines and Easyrider magazine. I am a voracious reader, always have been, as well as just curious enough to get myself into trouble. It was the stories in Easyrider that opened up another world of possibilities to me, women submissive to men, treated like property, traded among a group of men, and happy to live that way. I got incredibly turned-on reading these stories, they fueled many a late night fantasy, and served in a way as foreplay. Sometimes I'd lie naked, on my belly, on the Boss's bed reading stories while he explored my body and did deliciously naughty things to me.
I had my first bondage and role playing experiences with the Boss, I told you he was open-minded. I didn't trust anyone enough to be tied up myself but was curious about tying someone up and he was a willing partner.
The Boss introduced me to threesomes and moresomes, he found that he loved watching me have sex with others and I found myself obliging him even if I wasn't exactly interested in the person he wanted me to have sex with. I did it because I wanted to make him happy because it made me happy to see him happy. During our first 10 or so years together we fought a lot, we had growing pains (we were still kids for all intents and purposes), and we had huge power struggles. Both of us were trying to be in charge, him because it's just natural to him and me because that's what I was taught to be.
During those years we didn't know about the terms BDSM, D/s, or M/s. We didn't have the language to label ourselves with. Now I'd label what we were as vanilla with sprinkles. We had kinky sex, we had threesomes and moresomes, and he let me have sex with other people without him.
When I was about 26 we saw an episode of HBO's Real Sex that showcased BDSM and I was off to the races. Immediately I got online and started searching for any and all information I could find on the subject. I found newsgroups, web sites, and e-mail lists. I asked the Boss to explore with me, I wrote fantasy stories for him to pique his interest and to show him what I was interested in. He read the stories and he did try but he just wasn't ready yet. Being the man he is, he gave me permission to seek out a partner who would explore with me and give me what I needed.
I put an ad out on an adult ad site and came across someone who sounded promising. I contacted him and he responded. We chatted a lot through e-mail and instant messenger, I put off meeting him for three to four months because I was nervous and insecure. I finally met him and we hit it off. He became my dominant and gave me a safe space within which to explore my submission. During this time I continued to read everything I could find and shared what I read with my Sir. I continued to make occasional overtures to the Boss and shared with him what my Sir and I did.
When I finally screwed up the courage to participate in real time with the local BDSM group I shared everything I learned at the demos I attended with both the Boss and my Sir. I was in a frenzy and having the time of my life, I was finding my genuine self. My Sir taught me a lot and helped me on the road to being a woman and a submissive in addition to being a wife and mother.
I met m'Lady at a group function, she decided she wasn't going to allow me to hide in the corner and dragged me out of it. We bonded quickly and she took a serious interest in helping to bring the genuine 'me' out. She gave me the opportunity to serve as a sort of social secretary, keeping her notified of upcoming events, etc. I loved being able to serve her in that manner. By the time I met m'Lady I'd become discontent with the level of D/s I had with my Sir. I didn't have many opportunities to serve him and I was craving a deeper level of dominance. I wanted to be owned; property. I needed that.
Not long after I met my Sir, perhaps a year and a half to two years, the Boss decided he was ready. He took over as my primary partner and started attending the local group's functions with me. It seems like things between us quickly progressed from D/s to M/s but it took about a year and a half before the Boss collared me as his slave. I've been his slave now for about three-going on four-years and we're still learning together. Sometimes daily life gets in the way and the M/s becomes more of an undercurrent and we then have to work our way back to active M/s.
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