I thought my weekend was going to suck. Saturday night was supposed to be "date night" but Alan was tired and I was overly emotional about the whole thing and entirely too focused on myself and my disappointment. We're both miserable over him working overnights but getting overly emotional about it isn't going to help anyone cope.
We did a lot of talking and finally went to bed. I was wrung out emotionally and could barely keep my eyes open any longer. I remember waking up because I couldn't feel him in bed with me. I looked over my shoulder to see him sitting at the computer, was reassured and fell right back to sleep.
I woke up Sunday morning to a note in the bathroom with explicit instructions on it. "Go potty, go eat, take meds, bring me a drink, strip, wake me". I was so tired and sore I was half tempted to let him continue to sleep while I took meds and rested some more myself. But the note didn't leave any wiggle room so I did as I was told. I got his drink and when I got upstairs with it I sat it on the desk and quickly stripped down to bare skin. Then I picked up his drink and carefully walked over to his side of the bed and gently woke him. His smile and softly spoken "Good girl" undid me. I quivered and trembled a bit. It's not like him to praise me in that way. I felt good and nervous all at the same time. It's a difficult feeling to explain. He asked me if I was cold to which I replied that I was. He, being the wonderful sadist he is, pressed his cold glass against my nipples and enjoyed their immediate response. He took mercy on me as I stood there shivering and let me turn the fans off. Then he crawled out of bed and took me into the bathroom talking about how I needed a shower.
He told me to get into the tub and kneel, I knew what kind of shower I'd be getting then, as he stepped into the tub with me. He was very obviously aroused as he began to urinate all over my body and my face. He ordered me to open my mouth and he urinated there too. No part of me was left dry. I shivered there in the tub with his urine cooling on my body. He then remarked that I needed to be cleaned up. He grabbed the shower head and turned on the water. I got a bit hysterical then as I clung to his leg and begged him to not use cold water. I was overwhelmed and completely undone, all I knew was that he was in control of everything and I depended on him for something as simple as warm water to be bathed with. I wanted to stay on his good side and hoped he'd be merciful. At first the water was cold, he didn't wait for it to warm up to use it on me so I whined a little until the water warmed up. He hosed me off and pushed my limits a little by keeping the water in my face, particularly my nose and mouth letting me feel as if I were going to drown. I stayed as calm as I could and didn't panic. I think I was too much in shock or I just trust him that much, that I didn't feel panicky about it. He finally had me stand so he could bathe me. For those that know me well, being bathed by anyone other than myself is just this side of torture. I'm very OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) about my personal hygiene. He knows this only too well and uses it against me from time to time. Yesterday morning was no exception except that he took it farther than he's done before. He would comment about how he was only going to wash me very minimally, if at all, and that I'd have to go all day with smelly body parts. I wanted to beg him to clean me better but I just couldn't for fear that he wouldn't clean me at all so I submitted quietly to his ministrations. It was difficult because he would comment every now and then about how "stinky" I was going to be or how I had urine on my breath. By the end of the shower I felt thankful for the cleaning he did give me. Once we were both clean and dried off he brushed my teeth for me and put my deodorant on as well.
If he'd decided that was the end of our play for the morning it would have been enough. I felt realigned. His bathing me and taking care of all of my personal hygiene routine reminded me that I am his and he can do whatever he wants to with me. It was a good reminder. However, he wasn't through with me. He was feeling sadistic and was going to feed that need.
The SM wasn't all that unusual but he used a lot of verbal humiliation that he's never used before. It was powerful for me and left me feeling very vulnerable, objectified. He pushed my trust limits too, waiting until he'd blindfolded and gagged me and then pushing me backwards to fall onto the bed. It was a scary feeling, I hate not being able to see. I was jumpy and fearful, especially when it felt as if he was going to f*ck me with the blade of the knife. Then he shoved the handle inside me instead, I couldn't help myself, my hips rocked gently in time with his thrusts and I sighed with regret when he removed it to go back to torturing my poor pussy.
Afterward I could barely move I was just drained and so, so, so relaxed. I ended up napping for a little while during the afternoon.
I'm beginning to understand what people like about verbal humiliation. Words are so powerful.
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