Who's That Girl?

What is it about verbal humiliation that hit my hot buttons?  Is it because it was so new to me?  Or am I really kinked for that?

 

I just don't know and I'm still trying to wrap my head around it all.  Sunday's verbal humiliation really helped to strip me down to my slave-self, nothing else existed.  I wasn't thinking about my physical pain, the things that were stressing me out, or even the impropriety of any of it.  I was simply reacting and accepting.

 

Some part of me likes to be verbally humiliated, as evidenced in the e-mail I wrote to Alan telling him I wanted to produce more milk for him and be his "milk cow".  Just reading what I've typed here has me shaking my head and blushing.  I can't believe those are my thoughts and desires and that I'm actually articulating them.  It's so contrary to who I am in many ways.  I'm usually quiet, reserved, and very controlled.  I keep a lot of my deep dark desires to myself.  I'm also usually overly sensitive to humiliation.  Yet here I am talking about them, I've mentioned them to Alan, and I've happily accepted his verbal humiliation and thanked him for it.

 

I THANKED him for everything he did on Sunday.  I was grateful.  Instead of focusing on the fact that he was tormenting me I was focused on the fact that he did wash me and he bathed himself, thus giving me a clean body to lick and suck on at his command.

 

I'm just trying to figure out who this girl is that seems to be taking over my body.  I think this is linked to the growth spurt I wrote about in an earlier post.  I'm finally learning, I think, how to really surrender myself to him and I'm finding a joy and peace in it that I didn't know could exist.  I just hope he doesn't stop or let us lose momentum.  I think this is good, I think it's a good foward movement for us.