Swinging

Not the fun kind. Mood swings. I was on an upswing for a few days and felt happy, peaceful, soft. Today it seems that I am on a downswing, feeling irritable, chaotic, and just not quite happy. I hate the downs, I really, really hate them. I can't stand the chaos in my head and sometimes I wish I had a "chaos shelter" where I could hide during these times.

It's really difficult to deal with people when I'm feeling like this, even more difficult to deal with two Owners who have the right to make demands of me, my time, and even my thoughts. When I'm in chaos I end up feeling like a cornered animal and I "bite" in response to feeling pressed for whatever They may need at the time. I'm remorseful afterward, I'm often remorseful during, but can't seem to always control what comes out of my mouth/head.

I'd like to say I've made some progress on this as I do swallow a lot of snarky comments that I would like to make. But if I make even one comment I think that negates whatever progress I might have made.

Sometimes I think I'm wasting my time trying to improve. Usually when I'm in chaos. Go figure.

I'm trying something new/old again. I'm trying to organize and schedule my life, almost every hour of every day, so I have the structure I need. I'm using FlyLady's method, or trying it. I may modify it, I may not, it depends on how it works with my life. I know a lot of people swear by her method and it looks very sound. I've always touted it as being a good resource for s-types wanting to give better domestic service. It's probably high time I take my own advice eh?

That's me today... meh.