We all do it right? We fantasize about things that turn us on, fantasize about things we want, or the body we want to have.
Last night while Master was giving me an O I fantasized, mostly because I couldn't shut my brain off. I was making lists of things that I needed to do, class work, grocery shopping, etc. I began fantasizing and in my fantasy I was being manhandled by some strong anonymous male. He ripped my clothes off and then f*cked my mouth forcefully. I imagined him strangling me with his cock and right at that moment I had a very powerful O.
In the '80s when the Hellrasier movies came out I imagined myself being at Pinhead's mercy with those horrible hooked chains holding me in place for him. I don't know if I knew then that not everyone wanted to be in the same position, I didn't tell anyone about my secret desires. Of course, I didn't tell anyone much of anything, I was a rather closed off person by then.
I didn't tell Master what I'd been fantasizing about, perhaps I should. He already knows that about me though. I desire to be used mercilessly, I crave rough sex, the rougher the better. I've never wasted time thinking that I was sick or twisted for having these desires. It's just another aspect of me; it's how I'm wired. Not so long ago I might have wondered why I was wired this way but that really doesn't matter any more.
I'm not nearly so closed off now and I actually told my Lady about my Hellraiser fantasy. I told Master too though I daresay he wasn't surprised. *wry grins*
These types of revelations rarely surprise him.
