Argh! I just typed up an entry and goofed somehow when I published it and ended up publishing a blank entry. *sigh*
Okay, I was talking about an article I read that was written by Vibs West In the article she talks about resentment over little controls like being told what noodle to put in a pasta salad not really being about the noodles but about control.
I can see this in my own life. Whenever I am bristling about things like the dishes being put away wrong or what have you, it's a control for me. I want things done my way. Why is that? What do I get out of keeping little controls like this?
I'm certainly not holding onto my independence, I'm as dependent on him as a body can be and still function on their own. I think I'm just being stubborn, holding onto the old ways because I'm afraid of what the new will be like. Fear has always been a driving force in my life. Self-protection out of fear of being hurt, control everything out of fear of the unknown.
kharita pointed out that enslavement is a journey, you nailed that one on the head. It is most definitely a journey and a process and I am thankful that Master doesn't expect perfection. He only expects that I do my best and that I learn. That, I can handle.
