It's hard to admit to oneself sometimes, how deep one's feelings run.
Were I able I would live forever as his 24/7 at home slave. Is it because I'm lazy? I don't think so. I think it's because I love to serve him and I love him. There have been times in the past when I didn't mind at all being apart from him. I didn't miss him like I do now.
It feels like the bond between us has grown so deep as to be almost physical. He is always in my thoughts, ever present in my mind. I belong to him no matter where I am or what I'm doing. Nothing I do is done without asking his permission first.
I'm always told how much he loves me by others, I wonder if they tell him how much I love him. I'm not the most physically or vocally demonstrative person in the world. Is it not in my eyes when I look at him or when I talk about him?
I wonder.
A couple of months ago he and I looked at permanent collars, we are leaning towards Eternity collars at http://www.eternitycollars.com/secure/secure_frame.htm They scared me at first. I can bear having something locked around a wrist or an ankle but around my neck? I can't tell you why it scared me so but it did. I balked and suggested a bracelet instead, claiming that the neck ring might be uncomfortable to sleep in. Now, today, I crave it. I want that permanent reminder of his ownership around my neck. I don't want it on my wrist or my ankle. My neck seems to me to be the proper place for a symbol of ownership. A wolf offers it's throat in submission to the pack alpha, so too do I offer my throat, my neck to my Master.
It seems dramatic I know, but, that's me.
I'm craving to be collared by him even though mentally I already wear his collar. I want a formal ceremony followed by a reception of sorts to be shared with friends who will understand the symbolism and importance of it all. I'm like any other girl, I want the fairytale. Only my fairytale is a bit darker and more twisted than the mainstream. *chuckling*
