It's all in the mind

So, here we are... a few months into my coming to terms with the reality of our situations. That was cryptic huh?
It's been a couple of months or there abouts, since I finally came face to face with the reality that everyone but me saw. That Mark is and can only be a secondary Dominant to me and that it's Alan I answer to first and foremost.
Somewhere along the way I'd lost sight of that.
I realized last night just how completely I have accepted the way things are. I feel my slavery to Alan, and while I feel like I belong to Mark, I'm not enslaved to him. There's a major distinction there that I'd never really noticed before.
Last night I was talking with Mark and we were joking about him being out of touch with me and he said "I know, I'm a really bad Master." It was when he said those words that I had an aha moment and the distinction became clear to me. A little voice inside my head said "No, Alan's my Master." I'm sure a few people who know me will chuckle and say "Well it's about time you realized that." Or something along those lines.
I've grown a lot closer to Alan over the last few months, he's gotten further into my mind with me standing there holding the door open for him. He mindf**ked me this weekend, good grief he likes mindf**ks. The roller coaster of emotions I experienced was intense... I nearly cried with relief when I found out that it had all been a mindf**k because right up to that moment I'd been a bundle of nerves. Then came disappointment because I realized I really did want to do the thing that he'd been pretending he was going to make me do. It's funny how these things work.
I'm thinking of it as a test run, the next time I won't have to be so nervous. He'll be there with me the whole time.
I wonder if other slaves feel as close to their Masters and if they feel the absences as keenly as I do? Or maybe I'm just a drama queen and I'm making it worse than it really is. Only one way to know for sure, ask other slaves. *chuckles*
That's the beauty of the internet, I can talk to likeminded people whenever I need to.
The holidays are nearly here and I've begun to ask myself just what the heck I was thinking. I've decided to host X-mas day dinner here and I took a commission to do 16 glassware pieces. Where was my brain on either of those days?
I'm definitely going to need a vacation after the holidays.