No, I haven't really turned apathetic; I just haven't felt much like writing lately. I haven't got much good to write about. My back is still giving me fits and looks to continue to be a problem for the rest of my life.
I saw an orthopedic specialist yesterday who told me that "arthritis" is just a catch-all term. I've actually got two discs in the very early stages of degeneration. So, I've got degenerative disc disease. It happens to everyone as they age. The thing is I'm only 33 isn't that too young??
What it means is that the discs can't take the stress they once could and they get aggravated, then the muscles around them get aggravated which results in pain. He's prescribed more intensive PT, isometrics. I hope it works; I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of not being able to go on long car rides. Most of all I'm tired of being a burden on Master.
I feel very discouraged right now. Master hasn't been able to play with me in the way he needs to because he's been afraid that he would further injure my back. I'm concerned that he's lost his desire to do any S&M play with me. Being Daddy's little girl complicates things enough without having fear of causing injury added to the mix.
One might think that being a masochist I'd be getting all the pain I could ever want right now with my back. I sometimes wish it worked that way for me. At least then I could find something enjoyable about all of this. *chuckles*
I need a good cry. I've needed it for some time now but I haven't been able to just let go. I keep it all stamped down inside.
I did have a very big positive this week. This month's submissive's forum was held Wednesday and the topic was role play with a focus on age play. It felt good to be in a room with so many other age players and to not have to worry about whether or not I might squick them. It felt good to share something that I enjoy so much with others. I'm not the world's best presenter but I do my best to lead a good discussion and thankfully there have been others present who help to keep the discussion going. I am very grateful to them for their assistance.
