It seems to be the major focus of my life right now. The pain I feel as I sit here typing. The pain I feel as I sit on the couch watching TV. The pain I feel as I stand doing dishes. The pain is a constant with few moments of respite.
It was better last week, didn't hurt unless I overdid things or sat too long. Then I got the bright idea last weekend to do a quick clean of the kids' bathroom, clean the shower/tub in our bathroom, and go out to the bar where I did a little dancing in my seat. Now the pain is nearly as bad as it was when I first went to the doctor. I can be SUCH an idiot sometimes.
Master says I should have asked him to clean our shower/tub. How can I make him understand that I feel guilty enough about not keeping up on the housework without asking him to do it for me? Keeping the house clean is my job, it isn't right that he should do it. Yet, someone has to and I'm not allowed to be that someone right now.
He's losing patience with me, with my back pain. He wants me back at work and he wants me working full-time. I understand that he's stressed with money issues. I just wish he would understand my feelings instead of making comments here and there about me getting back to work. It makes me feel like I should have ignored the pain weeks ago and never gone to the doctor. It's what he would do if he were me. I feel like I'm disappointing him.
There's also the fear that I won't be able to keep up with my classes while working full-time. He says he'll take care of the home stuff but I still won't have much time to do class work. I get overwhelmed thinking about it. I try not to think about it and I try to have a "just do it" attitude. It isn't easy.
