Post-Party Ramblings

So here I am, a couple days after the party, realizing that I was silly to worry as much as I did. We went to the party and we had a good time and no one there looked like a super model. I can be so silly sometimes. Lucky for me Master is so understanding eh? *grins*

I'm told there was a girl there who was checking me out when we arrived. I disappointed her though when I proclaimed my hetness. That's not exactly accurate but how do you explain to a group of people, some of them strangers, that your bisexuality is extremely situational and almost totally related to the person you're attracted to? I have a specific "type" of person I'm attracted to and it doesn't matter if that person is male or female. But how to explain to a room full of women that none of them turns you on without being offensive about it? I found it much easier to declare heterosexuality though I did obtain Master's permission to do so.

I'm thankful that our host introduced us as non-swingers because we most certainly are, but also because it eliminated the need to turn any interested parties down. I'm 30-something and I still don't know how to tell someone I'm not interested in them without possibly hurting their feelings. I'm nothing if not blunt. I remember when we were still getting to know J, he asked to demonstrate something on me and grabbed a fist-full of my hair and expected me to respond by softening and relaxing into his grip instead, I laughed at him; full-throated and hearty.

I have to say, it was a little strange watching other people have sex, arousing but strange. We didn't participate in any sexual activities; Master didn't want to. Although we did have a very good SM session in which He and m'Lady tore my backside up. Not literally, but they did leave some nice reminders that I'll likely have for the next week or so. They get so intense when they play together like that and my oh my do I love being the focus for their attentions. I was reluctant to strip but once I did I was fine until I came back to myself after the scene. Being nude is to be vulnerable and I just don't like to be that vulnerable around so many people.

Apparently it was good to watch, we had everyone gathered to watch us in silence. I think I remember hearing a gasp or two when He punched my back or maybe it was when the whips came out, I don't remember for certain. Most of the time my attention was focused on breathing through the sensations. They took me through a broad range of emotions, everything from amusement and laughter to defiance, fear, and finally, tears. At the end, when it seemed like they were soothing me and bringing the session to an end, Master wrapped an arm over my shoulder and chest and began to paddle my butt with the evil rubber paddle. I fought and tried to get away while simultaneously trying to stay and take it. Eventually I sunk teeth into his arm and found a bit of solace that way. For some reason it soothed me to have his flesh between my teeth, perhaps I released some of the pain that way, I don't know. I guess I was biting pretty hard, he was afraid I'd break the skin but I didn't.

It didn't take long for him to break me down and wrench the last of my internal control from me. There's a certain sound I make when I'm breaking down and I'm sure that's the sound he listens for when he's of a mind to take me down like that.

Afterward was nice, we cuddled for a while though I had a hard time staying in that soft "afterglow" frame of mind while being surrounded by strangers. I came back to myself a lot more quickly than I usually do. Within minutes I was ready to get up, get dressed, and clean up the toys and space. But it had all been done by m'Lady, she's wonderful that way, and He just wanted me to lie there with him a while.

A while later I got to watch as Master, J, and m'Lady played with a man there who wanted some SM time. It was great to watch and the man had a wonderful sense of humor so the session was rather lively and had the lot of us laughing.

Later still Master, myself, m'Lady, and her boy were all sort of snuggling on an inflatable mattress and it was nice. It felt comfortable and I didn't want it to end but end it did. Eventually we had to return to our respective homes because it was late and there was still some private sex to be had.

All in all I had a good time and got to meet some pretty nice people and reconnect with the tribe. I don't know if we'll go to another party like that again but my fear of them is gone.