Tug of War

Some days I feel like I'm in the middle of a tug of war. On one side is Master and the other is our nearly grown son. As he's gotten older (ZBoy) he's challenged Master's authority more and more, mine as well. He's at a point now where he believes he can tell us how things are going to be and when we put the proverbial foot down, he explodes in a childish wrath and spits venom and fury at us.

Last night was another such occasion, I was at work when it happened. This time ZBoy dragged me right into the center of it by accusing his father of abusing me. I never thought in a million years that I would be accused of being abused in any shape or form. The only basis for his accusation? His father has the last word in all things. Sometimes I just want to shake ZBoy and explain just what abuse is. I've never been so NOT abused in my life.

We've tried to explain to ZBoy that we live the way we do because it makes us happy but he either can't or chooses not to see it. Maybe he doesn't remember the bitter arguments his father and I once had. Maybe he doesn't remember how miserable we both were, how unhappy. Doesn't he see now the way we constantly touch each other? Doesn't he hear the endearments we say to each other? If he doesn't see any of that, doesn't he at least see that I'm happier than I've ever been?

I'm really troubled by ZBoy's belief that I'm abused. He's never witnessed anything overt, I thought we'd been careful to keep things under wraps. Yes, I serve him his food and drinks and yes, he has the last word. But that's all the kids have ever seen. They've never seen him punish me, never seen our SM play, never seen the resulting marks either. All they have seen is me serving him and deferring to him in decisions.

I guess I'd blame our culture, if blame is to be laid, that states if a woman chooses to give up control to a man then she's obviously downtrodden and abused in some way because, after all, women are equal to men and don't have to do that anymore. Of course this could send me off on a tangent about the problems modern feminism has caused but I'll leave that for another day.

I don't know what to do about this son of ours, but I'm uncomfortable knowing he believes I'm abused. I've tried to explain, many times, but he won't listen. Sometimes I'd just like to take a vacation and leave them to sort it out for themselves.