Integration

A post on our local group's e-mail list about ageplay got me to thinking about my own interest in ageplay and the seeming lack of it in the past year or so. I'm also reminded of something M said early on in my ageplay explorations, he said that he didn't understand why I compartmentalized it. If he wants to act like a child and jump in a pile of leaves he does. He doesn't set aside time to do so.

During those early explorations if I was going to let my inner kid out we set time aside for it because it was very disconcerting for me to have to "grow up" in a matter of minutes. If my IK (inner kid) was out she was out and I refused to access the rest of me. In that way I compartmentalized it, it was something I did not something I was, even though I often did things my IK likes and watched Disney movies just 'cause even when my IK wasn't being let out.

These days we don't set aside time to do ageplay, he has simply become my Daddy, among other things. I feel integrated, my IK is part of who I am, if I feel like being silly I do so, if I feel like watching a Disney movie, I do. He knows I love Disney movies and often, even if he doesn't like the particular movie I want to watch, he'll let me watch them. I don't have to set aside time to let my IK out, he doesn't have to set aside time to be my Daddy. We just are, Daddy and his lil girl, along with being Master and slave, husband and wife, man and woman.

These things are all facets of who we are.

In the early days I set my submission aside too, it was something I had to put on and take off due to circumstances. Pretty soon it became apparent that it wouldn't work like that forever. It's funny how that happens for me, eventually things I thought were things I did became things I was/am.