Spank Me

Have you ever woken up and thought to yourself "Gee, a spanking sounds really good today"? I do, and often. Mostly because Master and I haven't really had the time, energy, or opportunity for SM play in quite some time. Also because I really enjoy spankings, or at least I tell myself I do.

I have something of a love/hate relationship with them. I love them until it gets so hard that I can't hold still any longer. I love the feel of his hands on my bottom, I love the soft strokes in between the hard ones that make me shiver with sensation. I love being pushed to the ends of my tolerance and beyond. Although, my tolerance isn't what it once was. I was able to tolerate a lot more way back when, before ye olde health went downhill.

I remember when I first started experiencing the back pain, I was worried that I'd lose my love of SM play. In some ways that love has diminished a little because it is something of an endurance trial when we do SM play. I want to enjoy the good pain but it doesn't take long before the bad pain sneaks in and then my mind is torn between coping with the good and the bad pains and trying to ignore one so as to enjoy the other. Some positions are worse than others, of course. And wouldn't you know it, the one we prefer is one that brings on the bad pain? So, sessions (when we get the opportunity) are necessarily shortened so as to minimize the recovery time afterwards. No worries, we're not further damaging my back nor exacerbating my condition. It's much like overdoing things, if you do more than your body is capable of it aches and gripes a bit afterwards. Mine just aches and gripes for a day or two(or more), depending on how badly I've overdone it. Simple housework can do this to me as well. I hurt for a good week after mopping two bathroom floors and vacuuming part of the house. It's just a fact of life for me, for us, now.

So, anyway, I miss SM play and I crave a good spanking. I think I'm wanting a bit of catharsis as well. The stress gets to me and I keep sucking it all inside and stuffing it into the dark corners but it's starting to leak out, I'm having more headaches and I'm moodier than usual. *blech!*

I guess I could go for a good caning too, one that starts out soft and ever so slowly builds up in intensity. One might think that any old SM play would do but not so. I don't want that out of control feeling, I want a more sensual experience, one that I can relax into and just let go.