Somehow despite the stresses and frustrations of the past few months my spark of creativity has been rekindled. I've got another blog, one that's more "vanilla" and I'm planning on keeping the day to day stuff there though I have added a feed over there from here so that folks who only read me there can check me out here if they're so inclined. Okay, truth is I'm a computer geek in disguise and I like the little toys and gadgets that I can use to link my blogs, etc.
Another project I've been working on is an article/essay/paper for Master. I'm transcribing his thoughts about the Beast as he shares them with me, doing the necessary editing to make a polished piece that perhaps he'll give me permission to share here. At this point though, he says it's mostly for me to satisfy my curiosity about what makes him tick in this particular instance.
I think he's got a very interesting perspective on the lifestyle and he's got experience, knowledge, and wisdom that I think should be shared with others. He, like me, spends a lot of time in his head thinking, contemplating, theorizing, and philosophizing about various aspects of life. As a result he comes up with some interesting ideas. Once this paper is done, and if he ever gives me permission to publish his thoughts, I'd like to do a few more from his perspective on different topics he and I have had discussions about and issues we've faced as we've traveled the M/s road.
I guess I'm weird, I feel a strong responsibility to the D/s lifestyle community. I want to help newbies find their footing on the path as was done for me by those with more experience. Sort of paying it forward I guess. This is why I originally acquiesced when I was "encouraged" to become part of the leadership of our local munch group. I've since quit the leadership and I think I'm feeling, very keenly, the lack of it. There were extenuating circumstances behind my resignation and I've not felt as if it I belong in the group any longer so I haven't been participating. I daresay a good many of the members wouldn't even know who I am now because I only post to the e-mail list rarely and haven't been to a munch or any other activity in several months. That's a weird feeling, being a stranger in a group I helped lead for nearly three years. Either way, my point is that I've been missing the whole knowledge sharing experience, both the giving and receiving. I miss the debates and discussions that have forced me to look at things from a different perspective and see something I missed previously.
I blame the Ritalin (see the other blog for details) for my being more communicative these days. It is true that since I started taking it I've been more talkative, which if you know me in person you'll know is unusual, and I seem to have lost most of my discomfort with being more open about things and less self-conscious about what I say. I'm not going to look this gift horse in the mouth, this is a change for the better no matter what the cause.
I remember a night a couple of years ago, Master and I had just gotten back from an event in Chicago, it was late and we were eating dinner at a fast food place before collecting our offspring from their grandmother's house. We were talking about wanting to become more involved in the lifestyle community and wanting to help build a strong community for lifestylers. Somewhere along the way that idealism got a bit tarnished and battered with cynicism. I'm trying to clean it up now and restore the original shine, perhaps I will take Master up on his offer to attend the next munch.
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