Musing about Humiliation

As I was driving today I had time to think (it's a long drive) and I started musing about humiliation play and how some things that are intended to, and are found by others to be, humiliating are erotic instead.

What is it that makes an act or experience humiliating? Is it the context in which it is done? Is it location? Or is it the person doing it?

I have a very big issue around public embarrassment and being the center of public attention owing to a mother who chose to berate me in front of friends and strangers alike. I know it's baggage that I need to put down but it seems glued to me. So, anything done to me in public that would make me look silly or stupid and that would draw the public's attention would feel humiliating to me, unless it was in the context of a scene. Why? I think because then I'm prepared for the unexpected and in a way I'm in control because I'm willingly drawing the public attention by having a scene in a public venue. Yep, you guessed it, control freak. Ironic for a slave isn't it?

But beyond that, there are other things Master and I do that others consider to be part and parcel of humiliation play that just don't feel humiliating to me. Such as Master using my mouth as his urinal. It turned me on to feel his urine fill my mouth and I felt a sense of pride in being able to swallow it for him. It's something he's wanted me to do for quite a while and on first attempt I just wasn't able to swallow, I couldn't make my throat work and just held a mouthful of his urine. Now that was humiliating, not being able to accomplish a task that seemed so simple. I have a similar reaction to being urinated on. I feel a strong sense of being owned in that moment because I see it as him marking his territory and being owned and marked makes me feel secure and loved. I wonder, would I feel the same arousal and the same sense of pride in accomplishment if we were in public?

So what is it that makes an act or activity humiliating? Is it context, location, and intent? Or is it simpler than that, is it the meaning we attach to these acts and activities that lends them the power to be humiliating or erotic? I think it is definitely the latter and that is why the former is a consideration. Depending on the baggage we carry certain humiliations in certain contexts, locations, and intents could be damaging to our self-esteem or worse, create yet another trauma, further adding to our baggage.