Irony

You know, I should have learned by now that writing about a thing will inevitably lead to Master getting ideas. Still, what do I do? I write about things that I find unpleasant, that I'd rather he didn't want to do, with the full knowledge that he'll read my writings and will more than likely do those activities. Too bad it doesn't work with things I like to do. *ggg*

Saturday we were visiting with the Tribe and in general having a nice time of it. Then during one of my many trips to the restroom Master decides to accompany me. Not only does he accompany me, he leaves the door open and speaks loudly enough that m'Lady hears and comes to stand in the doorway of the restroom. There I am, seated on the commode with Master standing in front of me and m'Lady standing in the doorway with the rest of the Tribe in the kitchen, with Master saying, "Welcome to humiliation" while wearing an evil grin. And it gets worse, he takes the toilet paper from me and wipes me afterwards. I tell you, I really didn't like him in that moment. This is actually one of our private rituals, him accompanying me to the restroom and wiping me afterwards as if I were a little girl unable to do it properly for myself. In private it feels so intimate and erotic but on Saturday it was sooo different. There was an element of intimacy and eroticism to it but the embarrassment and humiliation I felt overshadowed the rest. I must have blushed a million different shades of red as I hid my face in the crook of his neck while he wiped me.

I told him in a very little voice "I don't like you" and a few other choice words that I'll not repeat here. He allows this, by the way, and allowed it Saturday as well. Usually when I talk of choice words I'm wishing all manner of ill on him in the silliest way possible such as "I hope you stub your toe", etc.

Afterwards as we all sat down to dinner and the rest of the Tribe were asking about our little activity he made sure to mention that I enjoy it in private, it's just with an audience that I find it embarrassing and humiliating. Gee thanks Master, just lay me out like an open book why don'tcha? It's not that I think I've got secrets to keep heck I write about most of them here it's just that in the moment, it intensified the embarrassment and humiliation and I was hoping to just put it all behind me after it was over. In that moment I had an inkling of what Miss M goes through with her owner (members of our Tribe), he likes to share intimate details with the rest of us and it's obvious she'd prefer it if he didn't. I'm feelin' ya sister. ;-)

It was harmless, innocuous, yet the experience is sticking with me (with a little help from Master occasionally making comments about it) and I feel very affected by it. The scary part is, and I really dread even typing these words, I almost want to repeat the experience. But at the same time I'd really rather never do it again, though the latter definitely outshines the former.