Realizations, Epiphanies, and Pottery

I realized over the weekend that I've been trying to be something I'm not and punishing myself for not being able to be that thing.

I'm like a broken piece of pottery that's been glued back together over and over, a few shards and little chips are missing. Most of the time this gives me character but it also gives me many weak points that will break with careless handling. I spend so much time with what I perceive to be unbroken pottery or at the least, mostly in tact pottery. I try to act and function like these pieces, not accepting or realizing that I will never be able to function like they do. I'll never be the same as I was before I was broken but I am still a beautiful piece nonetheless. I just need extra care and attention to ensure that I stay in one piece. Over the years there have been many patch jobs, missing shards have been found and glued back into place lending strength to me as a whole piece and it's given me a false sense of safety, invincibility. It took being dropped and shattered again to accept this reality. I'll never be unbroken but I can try to be the best piece I can be with lots of polish and loving care.

There is nothing wrong with having been broken and glued back together, nothing to be ashamed of. So there is no reason why I should try to act like an unbroken piece other than my own out-of-proportion standards I've set for myself.

I belong to a wonderful collector, he cherishes and takes excellent care of me. Despite my fragility he still uses me instead of leaving me on a shelf to collect dust. He has faith in me and likes the way I function in his life. Sometimes accidents happen and together we search for the little pieces and make repairs. Better that than being a curio kept behind glass, looked at but never touched, never given the joy of being used.