Reflection

Yesterday was Master's birthday and I was delighted to have the evening off from work to spend with him. There were so many things I wanted to do for him, I wanted to pamper him and make him feel like royalty. Since time was limited (he'd worked a 12 hour shift) I settled for massaging him after his shower followed by a blow-job and a nice lil romp in bed, and a candlelit dinner shared with HRS. I think we all enjoyed the candlelit dinner immensely. Tear sprung into my eyes when I had all in readiness and asked him to come to the table for dinner. I could have burst with happiness at that moment watching him eye everything appreciatively. I knew I'd done well and he was pleased.

All of this got me to thinking about the subtle changes that have been occurring. Little things that aren't noticeable at first, but become obvious when grouped with other little changes. So it was that last night I took notice of all these changes. I don't know when they happened, they just did. I've been realigning myself to more closely match what he wants and what pleases him best. He is first in my thoughts more often than not, when I see his glass is empty I ask if he needs more to drink. If I'm going to get myself a drink I ask if he'd like one as well. That isn't how the "old" me acted, I waited for him to tell me if he wanted something to drink and depending on what I was doing, might act as if I was being inconvenienced. It doesn't matter now what I'm doing, I'm happy to drop everything to serve him and actually feel uncomfortable if he gets his own drink, snack, or whatever. It feels as if he thinks "She's too busy, I'll just do it myself." My goal is for him to feel as if I am always ready and available to serve his needs.

I've changed sexually as well. My personal bubble seems to have disappeared where he is concerned. In the past deep mouth kissing, and having my nipples sucked on were things that I shied away from. Very rarely would I indulge him and mostly I did it out of necessity to appease him, not from any enjoyment of my own. I wasn't too keen on displays of affection either, the most I was comfortable with were quick pecks on the lips. I find myself now wanting to latch onto him wherever and whenever. I want to spend as much time as I can just making out with him like teenagers. I thrill at the feel of his tongue exploring my mouth, it makes things low in my body clench in anticipation. I crave the feel of his mouth working as he sucks my nipples, his tongue laving over the tips, throat working while he suckles, as if for sustenance.

I've become far less orgasm-oriented as well. Not too long ago I'd get cranky and downright b*tchy if I didn't get an orgasm at least once a week and I felt almost jealous that I wasn't getting orgasms every time he did. I am not proud to say I pouted and, in general, acted like a real sh*t about it. I think I was trying to guilt him into giving me more orgasms but when he'd give in I didn't want it. I wanted him to want my pleasure as much as I did.

It just isn't as important to me anymore, not nearly as important as his orgasm, his pleasure. Just this week Master gave me an orgasm three days in a row. I enjoyed them but I felt really out of sorts for a day or so after the last one. It just didn't feel right for me to have had so many orgasms in such a short period of time. I'm happy to say he's a couple of orgasms up on me now. *grins*

I don't know how this change happened, nor the rest of them for that matter. He hasn't done any conscious "training" as far as I'm aware, no punishment for not acquiescing to his wishes. What he has done is be consistent in his wants and his desires and never lowered his expectations of me.

It seems I'm sinking deeper into submission and instead of feeling like I'm drowning it feels as if I'm immersing myself in a warm bath, comforting and safe.