Conflict, war, battle, all of these words describe what has been going on inside of me. I am a slave, I know this... but I have a sadistic and dominant side to me that needs to feed every so often. Over the past several months I've been nurturing and claiming this other side of me with the help of my Lady whom my Master shares me with.
She's been supportive and a great resource to me.
Today I had a most excellent play session with a submissive female and after getting past the doubts and fears I found a center of self-confidence that up til now I hadn't known I possessed. I was in charge and I felt competent in my ability to bring her and myself through the scene, which I did and was rewarded with lots of contented smiles.
Master reinforced his ownership of me with a reminder that it extends into all areas and aspects of my life. I was given a task to complete today with the submissive. Tonight as I sit here musing over today's events, I feel more the slave than ever. I know it doesn't make much sense and I'm not sure I can even explain it to myself. It just is.
I'm just happy to feel whole. I know some would say having this switch nature makes me not a slave... and maybe I'm not by their definition. But by my and Master's definition, I am and that's enough for me.
Now I look forward to going to Chicago over Valentine's Day weekend. Master and I are going to My Vicious Valentine with my Lady and her submissives. This will be Master's and my first time at an event like this and we're both very much looking forward to it. I'm a little nervous about fitting in there but over all I think it will be a fun and educational experience.
