As I was reading Beauty's Punishment, of all things, I realized some of what it is about formal protocols regarding behavior and speech, and even (or especially) heavy SM, that is tantalizing to me. I need to be used hard, I need the ritual of it, the regularity of it. That probably seems pretty vague.
I'll try to flesh out my thoughts a little further, though they're still sort of jumbled in my head.
In the story there is a point where a slave is speaking to his master. The master is trying to figure out what motivates slaves and this slave in particular. Through this conversation they both come to realize that it is the rigors of the slavery that motivates. Each trial becomes an adventure to the slave. I'm not sure I'd call it an adventure exactly but, I am driven to please my owner and I look at opportunities to do so as a challenge to rise to.
The more I am used (more than just sexually) and restricted, the more content I feel. When I'm given more autonomy I begin to feel out of sorts and I get cranky, sort of like when you don't get a full night's sleep or when you leave the house without your wallet. I feel almost naked, there is an absence of that certain something that makes me feel complete.
When I am used hard, sometimes debased and objectified, it feels as if all the planets have aligned and I'm whole. Even when I'm struggling with something Master wants, all is as it should be and I feel content.
So therein lies the draw, for me, to formal protocol dealing with behavior and speech. It's ritualized and emphasizes the dividing line between Top and bottom, Master and slave. It's that emphasis that draws me, that one thing, or several things that help to make me feel like a slave.
I believe this is why some of us use mantras and meditations to help us be continually mindful of our position. We ritualize the mundane to create a mindful attitude and to help maintain the headspace we so crave.
2 comments:
I didn't really dig the Beauty series.It got to a point where it was like it was all about shoving phalluses up guys butts. The beginning of the first book was ok - but it was unrealistic.
I haven't gotten into protocol - I'm not sure how I would react to it. Sometimes, some of it seems so hokey, ya know? But if introduced properly, I'm sure it can be quite powerful.
What else makes you feel like a slave? Is it the mental or physical that does it more/faster?
Hi sexkitten!
I actually dig the sexuality in the Beauty series. But, that's me.
I understand what you mean about some of it seeming hokey. But, I do believe that when done with sincerity and respect for the ritual it is, it can, as you say, be quite powerful.
The physical aspect is sure to put me into a soft and pliable state of mind. But it's the mental aspects that make me truly feel my slavery. Each time he requires me to serve his drinks or his food, or when he talks about how he can't fix his plate the way I do and how it just doesn't taste the same, I feel owned and more than that, treasured.
I look on formal protocol as being more mental than physical because the very ritual of it, helps to reinforce a mindset.
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