Substance

Okay, as is quite obvious, I'm still messing with my journal. I decided I didn't like the other template. Sorry for the chaos.

I thought maybe it'd be a good idea for something of substance now.

I've been feeling sort of disjointed lately. Like I'm walking through dreamland or dreaming while I'm awake. Sometimes it's hard to separate dreams from reality thanks to my headache med, vivid dreams? You betcha! So vivid that they're realistic and they feel like memories.

I have violent dreams sometimes which is new for me. I didn't always. So it's a little odd to wake up feeling like I'm remembering killing someone. I have to take a moment when I wake up to tell myself, "That was a dream, it didn't happen, I'm awake now."

Then there are the deja dreams. I dream things that haven't happened yet, inconsequential things thankfully, and I don't know that it's something that is going to happen until it happens and I have that 2x4, deja vu, moment. I had one of those moments just the other day and still, even after so many years of having them, I felt jarred. I even said outloud to Master "This has happened before!" He looked at me as if I'd flipped my lid so I explained that I'd dreamed the setting and the conversation. We went on then to finish our conversation.

I seem to have always lived through my dreams, dreams were all I had as a child because real life sucked. In dreams I was loved, cherished, treasured. Things a child should feel from its mother but I never did. So, I had those things in my dreams.

I'm happy to say that I no longer need to run to dreamland to feel loved, cherished, and treasured, Master gives me all of that and more. No, my dreams now are more about creating myself as I want to be.

So, maybe I'm weird with the whole dream thing, maybe I'm not. I just need to find a balance so I can quit feeling so disjointed.