Now for something completely different

I've been reading tonight, reading journals that I've just bumped across, written by two very phenomenal women. They're survivors just like me only they survived more horrible horrors. Reading other's stories makes me wonder what I ever complained about, y'know?

The truth is, we each have to play with the hand we're dealt, some get worse hands than others. Some get such good cards you wonder if they've stacked the deck. I stopped asking a long time ago, 'why?'. Sometimes there is no why, there is no reason, no rhyme, it just is.

There was a question asked, why do they do it? How can they justify it? They can't and they won't until pressed to do so. (they being child molesters) I've had too much first hand experience with them but not as much as others have. I don't know if the degree of exposure matters, once touched by one it leaves a dark mark on your soul that one is hard pressed to wash away.

Most of the time these days I'm happy, healthy, and don't give much thought to my past. Just, every so often, those thoughts creep in. Memories surface and won't leave me be until they're through with me. Master would likely say I shouldn't expose myself to other survivor's stories. He worries so about my mental health. Not so long ago it would have shattered me for days, or longer. I'm sure memories of me sobbing and rocking as he tried to glue me back together, are still fresh in his mind. I don't blame him for worrying, I bless him for it, thank him for it. I'm not so breakable now, stronger, sturdier, no shattering from old pains made fresh.

I'm constantly amazed by the strength of character displayed by women like these two, angel and Lili G. It gives me hope.

I've thought about chronicling my life the way they're doing but truth be told, I don't know how coherent it would be. My memories are jumbled and perhaps they're safer left as they are. I've dealt with most of them, tried to put them to rest as best I could. I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to bring them out and dust them off. Still, I applaud those who can and do.