Orphaned

Yesterday I was trying to explain how I feel now, after last week's revelations, regarding the mother to m'Lady.  The closest I can come is that I feel like an orphan but not in the negative sense of the word.  I don't feel abandoned, rather I just feel like I'm my own person with no real parents.  And in this sense I feel free from a lot of my past.

 

I never had a father growing up.  I knew I had one and I even knew who he was, met him, and saw him occasionally.  But he wasn't my father or my dad.  He was a sperm donor for all intents and purposes and I had no attachment to him and felt no familial relation to him at all.  He made it plain that he didn't acknowledge me or my sister as his children and didn't want to be a father to us after I'd written him a letter asking why.  I feel the same way about the mother now.  I feel very detached from her and very little familial relation.

 

This may seem like a negative thing at first glance but in all honesty it isn't.  I've spent a lot of time stressing and had a lot of angst over my relationship with her.  It's been wasted time and now I am finally free of her.  I feel better than I have in a long time.  Strange but true.

 

I hope my sister can get to this point.  She bore the worst of it.  I always thought she was the favored child who could do no wrong in the mother's eyes.  The things I didn't know could fill a book and I regret not being there to protect my sister.  I can't change it now but I will try to help her get past it if I'm able.

 

So yep, feeling good.  Feeling positive.  Had a good visit with the headshrinker and I don't have to go back til January.  Yay!  Now if Master could start feeling better, poor guy has some sort of bug, the World would be right. :-)