You might be expecting some hot and steamy fantasies but that won't be the case here. What I was fantasizing about today was a few years in the future when our children will, hopefully, be successfully living on their own.
I was fantasizing about what it would be like to be able to do whatever we wanted to do when the mood struck.
Today Master and I were both in the mood but couldn't really act on it because dinner had to be cooked and Zboy had to be taken to work. I eagerly await the day when we can have leisurely late afternoon sex, or SM play, or whatever might strike our fancies.
I know it might seem callous to be looking forward to our children growing up and moving out. I love my children very much and I've devoted my life to raising them, but I'm ready for my life to be my own and to be fully and shamelessly wrapped up in my Master. That sort of came out wrong. Let's see if I can clear things up a bit.
I've been a parent since I was 16; I went from being a child in my mother's home to being a child in "the system" to being a mother and wife. There really wasn't any time for Master and myself to just be together, to develop our relationship fully before introducing children. Also, I never got to be my own woman before being someone else's woman. I'm okay with that though. I don't really feel the need for that now.
I guess I'm feeling selfish, I want to have time with Master that is uninterrupted, time that belongs to us alone, not time that we have to share with the children. I know for certain that sounds callous but that is how I feel sometimes. I feel like they're intruding on our lives. Master reminds me that I'm the one who wanted children and he's right; I need to get over my selfishness.
Still, I don't think it's wrong to fantasize about a time when we can be alone together and wrapped up in each other. So, I continue to look forward to that day.
I'm not kidding myself though, I know I'll miss the kids; I'll miss their noise, their needs, and their wants. I'll get nostalgic for their younger years, heck; I do that now even though I'm really pleased that they're becoming self-sufficient.
