I know, beyond a doubt, that this will come across as selfish on my part. But this is my blog and I get to vent my frustrations over lack of needs being met if I want to. So nyah.
I have the two most wonderful men in the World who love me and want to see me happy. I'm grateful for them being in my life and wouldn't change that, ever.
But one's path has diverged from the path we were on and SM isn't in the cards for some time, if ever again. Definitely not to the edges we used to love playing on as far as I know.
The other has no real need for SM so is quite happy to go without it.
Here I am in the middle, masochist with a voracious appetite feeling like I'm starving to death. Sometimes I am almost willing to risk injury just to get that need met. Talk about stupid and unhealthy thinking.
Sometimes I think I'd be better off trying to kill off the masochist, I just don't know how one goes about doing that. It's not like I can turn it off with a flick of a switch. If I could I would, believe me. I'm tired of being frustrated. I don't even get orgasms because either my business downstairs has chosen that moment to be dysfunctional, or I'm too busy worrying about time and then the downstairs business goes dysfunctional and I quit in frustration and irritation.
I guess I've got a double whammy going on in the frustration department. I should just suck it up and deal with it and quit complaining.
Things used to work and I don't know where it all went pear-shaped. It just stopped working one day. Maybe it was the path divergence, maybe it was me, I don't know. I just know I'm miserable and frustrated and feel desperate to fix it somehow.
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