Needs

We all have them right? We all think our needs are important, true? But are our needs more important than those of a significant other? Or a friend? Or even a stranger?

I say it depends on the need, if I need shelter, food, or clothing, those are going to come before anyone else's need for a hug, or something else less critical to survival.

I've learned this lesson the hard way and am damn lucky I didn't lose either Master in the process. I'll say it til the day I die, I am blessed to have two very wonderful men in my life who love and cherish me and want to see me succeed and be happy. I'm even more blessed that they chose me to serve them as their slave.

However, I'm SO not even close to perfect. Some days I don't even think I'm good. I'm told that I am good so I won't argue the point. Rule #1, don't argue with your Master.

For a while now I've been putting my various needs above Sir's need to be able to be on time to things that are highly important to him, to be able to arrive safely at a destination in bad weather, or even sleep he desperately needed. I've done the same thing with Master too, and then I have what amounts to a temper tantrum when I don't get what I think I need.

I've been an energy vampire in a very bad way. So NOT good slave behavior. Master sat me down last week and had a bit of a talk with me about my purpose and my place. Somehow I got lost while the World was upside down for me. I forgot my purpose and my place. I started acting like a domineering b*tch, if you want to know the truth, and that really isn't me. It is a dark part of me yes, but it's something I strive daily to keep in the dark. I genuinely care about others and want to see them safe and happy. More so with my Masters. I want them safe and happy, I want to do good and right by them. I want them to feel like the most special and cherished men in the whole World because they are my World.

Sir says it's almost like I have had a split personality issue going on because of this dark side of me that isn't the real me. He is right in a lot of ways. It isn't the me that is out most often and it didn't used to get out that often at all. I don't know if I should blame it on my crazy (mental health issues) or if it's due to feeling like the World has been upside down since August due to relationship and life issues, because it has gotten out more and more frequently and with more malice since then.

However, back on point, the main issue is me putting my needs before theirs and often these are frivolous needs. Such as the need to resolve an issue instead of tabling it until there is more time to discuss it. This is very selfish, as a slave that type of "need" is secondary to my Masters' needs.

Master reminded me that as a slave my purpose and responsibility is to be here for my Masters, to make their lives easier, not to make their lives harder by being an energy vampire. In all honesty I haven't given much in return and I feel ashamed of myself.

Last night I caught myself doing it again, once Master gave me "the look" I realized what I was doing and reeled myself in.

I know some people will say that a slave, or submissive's needs are just as important as a Master or Dominant's. I disagree. Yes my basic needs such as food, clothing, and shelter are as important, without these things I cannot serve my Masters properly. Beyond that, sometimes my other needs, such as SM, have to take a backseat to their needs. Not only due to being their slave but also because that is just what you do in relationships. There is give and take. Sometimes you do a lot of giving and get very little in return, sometimes for a while, sometimes just for a short time. And then sometimes things reverse or they end up balanced.

I'm relearning how to be a proper slave and finding my service-mind again. Now that I am aware of it, I will no longer be an energy vampire. Being such, makes me no better than a parasite, in my mind, and is definitely not (again in my mind) slave behavior.

I still want to be the very best slave I can be and I am thankful my Masters are taking the time to work with me instead of giving up because it's just too much work.