Alright so he's not new as in brand new. I've been with him for many years as his submissive and after a lot of angst on my part and growing pains we moved to a Master/slave dynamic. It's still very new to us, at least new to me. I'm trying to find my feet as a slave to him. I'm learning the new rules and restrictions. You'd think it'd be easy since I've lived as a 24/7 slave for almost six years to another, but each has different expectations.
I'm happy to be his slave and there is nothing more I want than to please him and earn his approval each and every time we're together. But I can't seem to put aside my selfish needs/wants. I'm trying but I'm struggling. I have the worst urge to top from the bottom and try to control things like communication and the amount of time spent together. I did this not long ago with disastrous results. I nearly ruined the relationship doing that.
But it kills me when he limits communication to the bare minimum. I get angry when he talks about SM play and then on the day it turns out he's either just kidding or not in the mood. That's where I'm at today. Peeved because he was beyond late (another issue we've had that he said he'd work on) and because he wound me up for SM only to leave me hanging.
I'm hoping this is just growing pains.
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